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05/13/2010
Some callers to my radio program are amazed when I explain that their situation is entirely of their own making, and don't allow them to complain about someone else as the architect of their situation.Sadly, a typical scenario goes like this:' a young woman caller with one or two illegitimate children is shacking up for years and years with a guy who is now out on the dating scene.' (Well, why
shouldn't
he date?' He's a single man with a consort!).' When the young woman protests that they have a "commitment," I ask "What
is
the commitment?' Where is it?"
There is no commitment involved in unmarried sex or procreation or cohabitation.
It's all "free-flowing," which is exactly what both paid for when they signed up
to not sign up for any obligation past the feeling of the moment
.The truth about females is that we lie to ourselves when we say we can just "hang out" or have "hook-up level" sex and make babies with someone who says "I love you," but ultimately doesn't walk the talk.'We
want
to nest, settle down, and have someone love us and protect us and provide for us, but we
behave
in ways that demonstrate massive denial, insecurity, and a kind of pathetic desperation or downright foolishness.None of this makes a woman feel special, put on a pedestal, valued or really loved.' And none of this protects the needs of children.' More and more women of late are intentionally having babies without marriage because, in my opinion, they are not competent to provide love and affection and attention to anything outside themselves, and the feminista women around them applaud the "no men" clause.' This is atrocious, as it undermines society and puts children in the position of
no daddy
.'None of you should show any support for any woman who makes this choice.' No support.....and lots of negative judgment.' Please.
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Tags: Commitment, Family/Relationships - Children, Marriage, Morals, Ethics, Values, Parenting, Personal Responsibility, Shacking Up, Shacking-Up
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05/13/2010
A number of news sources recently reported that
(sniff, sniff)
people just can't afford to get divorced anymore, what with mortgages upside down, and diminished family income.Furthermore
(more sniffs)
, in most cases, the couples have to stay together under the same roof just to make ends meet.' No longer can divorced spouses count on maintaining a lifestyle.' No longer are kids summarily thrown into visitation chaos and feelings of abandonment....and that, obviously, is a good thing.One of the sadder aspects of my three decades plus on radio talking to people in some sort of crisis is the growing realization that many people see adversity as a motivation to
turn on
each other, rather than to
turn to
each other.' I understand husbands who feel depressed when they can't adequately support their families, and I understand wives who feel desperate because they worry for the well-being of their home and children.' But I don't understand turning
away
from each other at a time when both need support and hope.' Each spouse needs to (as Archie Bunker often said on
"All In The Family"
) "stifle themselves" and try to buoy up the other's state of mind.In trying to make the other person still feel valued, competent and loved; in telling your spouse that you know that, ultimately, you can count on him/her; in letting your once "dearly beloved" feel your support, makes not only them feel better, it makes YOU feel better.I'm sure everyone reading this has some sort of strain or stress in their marriage.' Generally, it's something that can be overcome
if
you
both
pull together and put aside your individual resentments and fears long enough to follow through on your marital vows to love, honor and cherish.
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Tags: Attitude, Divorce, Hope, Marriage, Personal Responsibility, Social Issues, Stress, Values
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