This piece of advice is from Kathleen's grandmother, who, at 69, has been married for 52 years : "A woman holds all the control in the family.' She is the center of the home.' When she is happy, everyone is lifted, and when she is not, she can drag everyone down with her.' Be generous with your affection, and let the little things go.' And most importantly, if you don't give your husband what he needs, he will look for it somewhere else." Sounds like she was practicing "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" long before I ever wrote the book! More >>

I got these two emails the other day, and they came in almost back to back.' And I'm sad to say that I "get" it.' You're going to be horrified.'Kristen wrote: "My best friend and I were in the car the other day and heard a radio advertisement for a new dating service' (more like a disservice). It isn't your typical dating site, no, no; this site is for those looking to commit adultery. Their slogan? 'When Monogamy Becomes Monotony.' The tab on my internet browser even labeled it 'Married Dating.' Apparently dating these days isn't just for single folks anymore.' The first thing that popped into my head was, 'Boy I wonder how long it will take for someone to call Dr. Laura to tell her how they found this site on their spouse's 'favorites' list.' What a shame! I am proud to say that because of your sound advice and my early commitment to 'The Proper Care & Feeding Of Husbands,' my soon-to-be husband, of this July, would never consider such a "dating service."' Keep up the GREAT work Dr. Laura.' If anyone can combat the irresponsible use of such a filthy site, it's you!" Well, I thought that was well taken.' But, you see, she read and has committed to' "The Proper Care & Feeding Of Husbands."Then this came in , from a guy whose name I won't give, but after reading this, you'll understand who's going to be calling the "When You're Married" dating site.' He said: I heard, on your show yesterday that this guy stood up to the plate, helped his wife when she was sick, and what she did to say thank you for her appreciation.' I thought I would do something nice for my wife as we have been more like roommates rather that husband and wife. So when she came home the other night, I had dinner started; I asked her how her day had gone.' I made dinner: pasta, home made sauce, a nice salad, a glass of wine.' When she was done I cleaned up and while she was watching TV, I filled the tub with lots of bubbles, and' lit candles all around the top. (It is a big tub and two can fit in very easily.)' I poured two glasses of wine, got her robe and said, 'Close your eyes and come with me.'' She followed me into the bathroom and saw what I had done and said,' Are you crazy?' Is this supposed to get me excited about being intimate with you? I don't know what you were thinking, but I am tired and I don't need this.'' Anyway,I am sure someone out there would have appreciated the gesture. I think this is why guys wake up and say, I have had enough."' And then they call dating sites, and crank up porn, and have affairs.'When I wrote "The Proper Care & Feeding Of Husbands," everybody wanted to know why I didn't have "The Proper Care & Feeding Of Wives."' And I said that women control everything in intimate relationships,' and that it was much easier for a woman to change a man's mood, than it was for a man to change a woman's mood.' For example: A man comes home after a very bad day.' His wife greets him at the door, in some scanty negligee, and says "Honey, lets go make mad, passionate love."' The guy goes brain dead about his day, and has a great night.'A woman, however, comes home after a bad day.' Guy meets her in the altogether, and says, "Baby, let's go make mad, passionate love." And she's going to sound just like this wife: "Are you crazy?' Is this supposed to make me excited about being intimate with you? I don't know what you were thinking, but I am tired and I don't need this."' That would be the more typical response, because we women don't give up our moods that quickly.' We embrace them, with talons sunk in deep.' So, yeah.' I know it sounds shocking, but I know why there are sites where you can get some action.' Because, wherever there isn't the proper care and feeding of husbands, there's somebody that's going to log into one of those sites.' A husband who sets up the night like this guy did, whose wife goes, "Ooh, honey"' is never going to log into any of those sites.' Because he's got everything: wife, mother of his children, lover, and best friend...' There's nothing left to look for. More >>

I get thousands of emails, letters and faxes every week.' They can be funny, sobering, trivial, deep.' Every once in a while one comes in that just takes my breath away.' This is one of those: "I am terminally ill with cancer.' I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY EVERY DAY.' Life is a very great gift.' I am very grateful for each day.' Even if all you get in life is one sunrise or one sunset; life is a fantastic present. I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR MY HAPPINESS." She asked me not to use her name. More >>

Earlier this week, I got a call from a 36 year old woman who has been "shacking up" with her boyfriend for four years.' She wants to have children, but senses his ambivalence.' The answer I gave her applies to all the otherwise intelligent women who do this.You should move out and say "I've decided I've made a horrible mistake and the next time I'm living under the same roof as a man, I'm going to be his wife!"You don't demand anything.' You don't threaten anything. You act like a dignified woman, instead of an unpaid whore.' It's as simple as that.' A man who loves and respects a woman wouldn't treat you like that.When I asked this caller "What would you tell your son?" at first, she didn't understand that I was raising a hypothetical question about how she would explain this behavior to her "future" child.' She started to say, "Well, if you're both happy, and you're both-" and I immediately cut in and said she should not make babies.' If you're going to do that to your kid, don't have any.' If you're going to tell your daughter "...as long as you're happy and you're screwing your brains out every night with a guy who doesn't want to commit his life to you, it's all okay!" - we don't need any more parents like that.'That's why we have such chaos in our whole society - because you think "happy" at any one moment is the highest value.' I think honor, sacrifice, and commitment are a higher honor than taking your daily "happiness" temperature, because a man staying true to his wife, who has terminal colon cancer, instead of dating is not happy .' Is he happy ?' Then that can't be the highest quotient!If you want the world to deal on "happiness," then you have to understand that your man will leave you any day you don't make him happy, and will not honor you or any vow, because he doesn't have to!' You've already taught him that if you're "happy," that's the only thing that matters.I don't think firemen are happy to run into burning buildings.' I don't think they're "happy" doing that.' I don't think police are "happy" to surround a building where somebody says he's going to shoot everybody.' I don't think they lay awake in the morning and go "Gee, that makes me happy!"' They have honor and sacrifice and duty and commitment to something higher than "feeling good" in and of themselves.' Don't have children if you're going to teach them about "happiness."' We have enough chaos in our society because people are doing what they "feel" like when it has no meaning and no projection into the future.'If you teach your sons to screw girls if it makes them happy, and as long as she's smiling and you don't have to make any commitment, don't make babies.' We just don't need any more parents like you.' We just don't. More >>

As always, I LOVE being on the Larry King Show.' The original intent of my appearance last night was to promote the release of my New York Times bestseller, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage," in paperback,' but the fun thing about being with Larry is that he expands the experience by asking anything from politics to sex to celebrity nonsense to one's personal life, and so forth.' Last night was no exception.The Larry King producers have added a new dimension to the program - one I enjoyed tremendously: the "man" on the street short video questions.' My favorite was a young man asking about his girlfriend's determination to have him take money from her father.' He wanted to know if his inclination to not do so was out of line.' I instantly heralded him as a "real man," and suggested he dump this "daddy's girl" for a real woman.'Just prior to my appearance on the show, Arianna Huffington (great hair, by the way) was included in a panel of political pundits.' After she left, I noticed she had forgotten her Blackberry and compact.' I called to her and she was most grateful and gracious, acknowledging that she "owed me one."' I sincerely hope she remembers that the next time she mentions me in her blog.All-in-all a great experience, and you can read the transcript from the program by clicking here .'''' Oh yeah...do you like my new hair-do?' Takes me - brace yourselves - only 10 minutes from shower to coif! More >>

Jianguo "Jack" Liu, a Distinguished Professor of Fisheries and Wildlife at Michigan State University, has published a study that shows that divorce is bad for the environment. (Proceedings of the National Academy of Science - http://csis.msu.edu/Publication%20files/PNAS_divorce_environment.pdf ) With rising divorce rates, there are more households with fewer people, thereby taking up more space per person and using up more energy and water. A refrigerator, for example, uses roughly the same amount of energy whether it belongs to a family of four or one parent and child.' Liu estimates that Americans spend an extra $3.6 billion annually on water as a result of the extra households created when people divorce.''Turns out that this is not just a problem in the United States.' Around the world, even in developing countries and places like China with strict religious policies on divorce, personal commitments are not being kept and those policies are being ignored.' Divorce rates are rising, leading to a profound assault on the environment because a married household actually uses resources more efficiently than a divorced household.' The number of rooms per person in divorced households is 33% to 95% greater than in married households.I figure, if you can make noise and a commitment to the environment, you ought to be able to make love and a commitment to your marriage...if for no other reason than saving the environment.Oh yes, interesting news on Bloomberg.com. It seems that the energy being used to get all those folks to the United Nations meeting on climate change in Bali, Indonesia, will cost in energy use the equivalent of 20,000 cars emitting pollutants one year.' ( http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601170&refer=home&sid=aPbfclqokwcw )Can't they all stay home and just have a conference call? More >>

I read the following email from Tina on the air the other day, but it's such a good story, particularly during this week following Thanksgiving , that I wanted to share it in this forum as well: Dr. Laura: I have to tell you about a recent shopping experience I had at the local Wal-Mart.' My family and I live in northern New York, just 15 minutes from Fort Drum.' This area is extremely "pro-military," and we like it, even though I can do away with the miserable winters. Driving to the store, I always pass through the base, and I saw all the "Welcome Home" banners hanging on the fence, meaning that a bunch of soldiers had just come home from Iraq.' When we got in the store, I couldn't help but notice soldiers who were shopping - the look on their faces was priceless!' These guys were happy to be shopping, happy to be alive, and happy to be home to family, friends, and community who are aware of their sacrifice and heroism. My six year old son was sort of oblivious to all of those dressed in fatigues until we reached the Lego aisle, and he saw a couple of soldiers in his favorite section.' He said, "Look, Mommy - some good guys!!"' "Yes, I see," I told him.' Then he asked the soldiers:' "Did you get the bad guys?"' "Yes, young man, we sure did," they assured him. My son was especially excited that the good guys liked Legos, too! Thanks. Tina More >>

I got this eloquent email recently, and wanted to share it with all of you, as it addresses the consequences of some behaviors that often come up from callers to my radio show:"Two months ago, I left my wife and children and moved into a condo about a mile from our home.' This morning, I was moved to write the following, just to help me vent my frustration over the treatment from my wife that led to this painful and damaging decision, called "For Years:" For years, you behaved as if it didn't matter whether I came or went, so I went. For years, you were unsatisfied with the income I brought in, even though it was way more than enough to allow you to stay home with the children. Now you have less, and you get to go to work. For years, you behaved as if my touch meant nothing to you. Now, it's gone. For years, you never complimented me on the household repairs I made, keeping up the lawn and garden, cleaning and organizing the garage and the hundreds of things I did to keep our home balanced and running. Now, you can do them. For years, you complained I didn't do enough housework.' Now it's all yours. For years, you chose not to attend community and social events that were important to me.' Now they're not an option. For years, you expected me to read your mind when you were hurt or upset.' Never could, never will. For years, you punished me with your silence.' Now you have plenty. For years, you would not share information about our kids' schedules, doctor's appointments and so on.' Now some attorneys will help you polish your communication skills. For years, I chose to love you, protect you, provide for you, confide in you, and have fun with you.' Now, I don't. For years, you behaved as a long-suffering martyr.' Now you can be one. For years, I chose to raise your son as my own.' Now, he's hurting. For years, you treated me as the lesser parent.' Now I am. For years, our precious young daughter has watched this debacle. What do you think she's learned? For years.... P.S.' I bought and read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" months ago, and asked my wife to read it with me.' She laughed."(Signed)Still My Kids' Dadin Southern California More >>

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"But why should I have to do 'X' when I don't feel like it?"That is by far the single most expressed sentiment to excuse oneself from fulfilling obligations to others. Feelings have been elevated from the mercurial and temporary to positions of absolute truth and power. "I feel that..." is most always used when one actually is expressing thoughts, beliefs, opinions, guesses, and concerns.One of the most typical problems in marriages is not religion, politics or finances - it's the issue of sexuality. For the most part, the pattern is that a man and woman have a great out-of-wedlock sexual relationship, full of passion and spontaneity. Once married, and especially once children come on the scene, too many women "feel" less and less like being their husband's lover and girlfriend. I have talked to hundreds, if not thousands, of women over the more than thirty years I've been on radio, and the story is always the same: "I'm just too tired...or...annoyed to feel like having sex." I ask them what they expect their husbands to do. "Be understanding," they say.I then ask these wives if they would suggest their husbands take advantage of a hooker, Internet porn, or a girlfriend on the side to fulfill their needs for affection and sexual activity. Once I get their attention...I move on to several points: 1. If there is "too much on your plate," cut stuff out. You cannot properly maintain a marital relationship when you leave almost no time and energy for it. That means that full-time jobs, children, a home, and your parents and friends take up your life and leave no room for the man who would give his life for you. This is also a breach of your vows to love and honor. 2. There are lots of things you don't feel like doing - but you do them anyway because you have obligations to others. Your husband doesn't feel like visiting your mother, taking you shopping, listening to your repetitive stories and gripes about your sister, going out for tampons, and so forth - but he does it anyway because he loves you . Imagine a world where everybody only did what they felt like doing??? 3. I never wake up feeling like working out, but I get up anyway. I put on my workout clothes, get some water, and start pumping weights. Once I get started, I feel very good about what I'm doing and how it is impacting my body. Well, once you get into foreplay, you'll probably start getting into it too! That means you need to take a nice shower or bath, use some sweet-smelling perfume or body powder, put on something adorable and start flirting with your man - it won't take long for you TO FEEL LIKE IT! 4. Life is short - never turn down a perfectly good orgasm- on your death bed, you'll regret it. There is hardly a better way to reconnect and reaffirm your love and attachment - this is the ultimate bonding technique. 5. You made vows to "love and cherish," so do it or don't expect much in return. That means, don't call me complaining about no Valentine's or Anniversary present when you haven't treated your man like your man and your lover . If you don't make the effort to make him feel special to you - don't expect it in return. More >>