Dr. Laura Blog

When you air dirty laundry in public, you never know where it is going to end up. Here are 6 reasons why you shouldn’t share your marital problems with friends and family members:

1. People have big mouths. Unlike a priest or an attorney who is bound by law not to repeat what you say, anybody you talk to is going to jabber. Even if you make them promise not to share what you told them, only the rare person actually keeps that promise. You never know who else will find out, and it is embarrassing to be the subject of gossip. Plus, if your spouse catches wind of it, you run the risk of hurting your relationship even more.  

2. Your words will likely get twisted. Remember the “telephone” game we used to play when we were kids? Ten kids stand in a line, and the first person tells the second person something. Then that person repeats it to the next person, and so on. By the time the 10th person repeats what the first person said, it’s usually very far removed from the original message. If you discuss your marital problems, you are essentially playing that game with your friends and family.

3. You are betraying your spouse’s trust. If your spouse were in the room and heard what you said, would he or she be OK with it? If the situation were reversed, would it be OK with you? Think about how angry and hurt you’d feel. It takes a long time to get over something like that.

4. It won’t solve the problem. Venting about your spouse may make you feel good in the moment, but it doesn’t solve anything. The person you should be talking to is your spouse.

5. You might change your mind, but your friends and relatives might not. After you get through a rough patch, the people who had your back might act cold towards your spouse.

6. You could become the boy or girl who cried wolf. If you run to people and whine every time you have a hurt feeling, you start becoming less sympathetic.