Letters From Listeners

I am a relatively new listener. At first I thought your advice was often harsh, but I kept listening. You made me reflect on my flawed, but happy life. My husband and I had a frequently rocky marriage, past and present but much less so now. Because I did not place my husband first, he did not make me first in his life and this became a kind of an unspoken agreement between us. All our energy went to the kids on my part; career and golf on his part.

Our kids grew up and left and did what they were supposed to do in the right order: went to college, got good jobs, became self-sufficient, got married, and had babies. But the big shock was when we looked at each other; instead of feeling fulfilled we kind of hated each other. Our fix was to be nicer to each other and to pretend we still loved each other. Just last night we were driving home and there were at least ten things I wanted to say that were cranky and mean, but in our "new" relationship I bit my tongue over and over again and cracked jokes. When we got home, there were big hugs and big I love yous. It turned out to be a wonderful night. Thank heavens I follow your advice (sometimes without knowing it). And every morning noon and night, I thank God we are still together and reaping the benefits of that investment of time and work.

Now I listen to you regularly and frequently find nuggets that help guide me as I navigate my roles of mother, mother-in-law, and grandmother to many. A wise person once told me, life is hard, and then you die, so maximize your opportunities in between. Looking forward to working hard for many more years on my marriage and other important life relationships. No one can replace me in my family, but I hope when I am gone they will build networks among themselves to approximate what I do.

Amy