Dear Dr. Laura -
I am 51 years old, married for 28 years, first marriage for both of us; no children, we tried, but it didn't happen. Today I am a very happy and content individual; however, this was not always the case...
I am a child of divorce - very ugly and torturous for all involved. The divorce process lasted 6 years; I was 8 when all was finalized. My parents were married for 14 years, 6 of which were lived on the front line in the battlefield. This was the first marriage for my mother and the third for my father. I am the youngest of all the kids. My mother came from a very poor family; my father was privileged all his life.
When I was 13, our father asked my brothers and me if we wanted to live with our mother or him and his 4th wife (20 years his junior and former beauty queen). Mother was very difficult to live with so we all chose our father. I didn't know it then, but this decision was one I would pay for the rest of my mother's life!
So we kids moved in to a brand new home. Everything new: neighborhood, school, friends, mother, life! For me personally, I was so young when my father moved out that seeing him every night when he came home from work was a joy! His wife spoiled me rotten to the core. I loved it!!! I felt I was made whole again.
Less than 2 years into my new life, bad news hit hard: Father had inoperable pancreatic cancer. He died just 4 months after the initial diagnosis. My father had sole custody of us kids. Battle #2 began between my mother and step-mother. My minor brothers and I became wards of the state. My step-mother wanted to get on with her life and my mother wanted the house and custody so she could be awarded the monthly SS checks. Life as I knew it was OVER. I was now on my own and carried many burdens with me. It became a game of survival.
Today, I attribute my well-balanced mental stability to making good life decisions, staying focused on doing the right thing, choosing a wonderful, WONDERFUL husband who gave me a happy home and tons of love and support, and to depending on myself for my own happiness. One of my brothers did not survive - he is homeless. My other brother is not quite a loss cause, but real close. And my oldest brother is a well-educated man, but is now on his third marriage, no children. In 2012, I learned my mother had stage 3B lung cancer. I had not talked with her in 10 years - her choice. She died a very hateful and bitter woman. If you think divorce will not affect your children AND everyone involved, think again!!!
Lorrie
