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12/16/2016
Dr. Laura:
My son and daughter-in-law live across the country from us, and they have a happy, devoted relationship. When they had a baby, however, our relationship has been very uncomfortable and tense. The last time we visited, she explained how she wanted to resolve the big "elephant in the room."
She then proceeded to describe all the things that had upset her. Most of them were HER interpretation of something I had done, or a misunderstanding that she had. I was able to explain my side and reinforce that I did not intentionally try to overstep my bounds and would never do anything to undermine her authority or do something she did not want me to do with her baby. We actually came to a meeting of the minds and cleared the air. Then we tried to figure out how to go forward.
We came up with the idea that at the end of each day of our visits together, we would just "touch base" and see if there was anything that happened that day that we needed to talk about. So that's what we did. I have to say it has relieved all of the tension, and the most recent time we visited, we all enjoyed ourselves, because we were all relaxed.
I have to give her credit for taking the initiative to meet this "head on." It took courage for her to take that first step, especially since I was unaware of the reasons for her tension. I thought I'd share this story in the hopes it might help another mother-in-law and daughter-in-law the way it has helped us.
Cynthia
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