Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel. This is a heavy one from Naomi:
"I've taken it upon myself since day one of my relationship to do everything for my boyfriend, and now have found that I've put myself into a bad position, because I'm being taken for granted and it's assumed that I should continue to do all that I do for him. I don't get anything in return. Can you address those of us who 'over-do' for others because we care, but yet get nothing in return?"
You're not overdoing it because you care; that's not why it's happening. You're over doing it because, I don't know, maybe your parents were drunks so you're used to being the caretaker. Hoping that if you do enough to take care of your parents, maybe they will be nice and take care of you. Maybe they're not drunks, maybe they're just self-involved and have two careers going on and got divorced, remarried, divorced, remarried.
Anyway, you're so used to having to do for, that you've turned it into, instead of the anger that you weren't take care of, you turn it into, "I care; that's why I'm doing this." No. You're the one in power, you're the one in control, you're the one martyred, you're the one still trying to get love in - as they say - all the wrong places.
So, the smartest thing you can do for yourself, is be uncomfortable. How can you do that? I'm telling people to be uncomfortable? That's awful! What you need to do is find a guy who demands to give. He demands to give to you. He wants to put his jacket down so when you walk over a puddle you're on top of his jacket. He wants to sacrifice for you. That's going to be very uncomfortable because you don't perceive yourself or identify yourself at all as the person to be loved and taken care of.
So, until you are willing to make yourself uncomfortable, dump this dude and find a really nice one, nothing is going to change. You have to go on faith that you are loveable.
I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, until next time here on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing!
