Relationships

by Nancy Nichols
www.knowitallnancy.com


You know in your core that your partner is lying, manipulating and verbally battering you. Your heart wants to believe his convincing excuses for his wounding behavior, but your gut wrenches because he can't fool your internal knowing.
True personal power comes when you can depend on yourself to make the important decisions in your life.

Let's be honest for half-a-minute...

• Do you trust your gut instincts about a person-or do they draw you in with their flattery and charm and then you discover are a self-absorbed, backstabber?


• Do you sometimes date a man (or woman) and you secretly question their honesty, reliability or motives, but you keep dating them anyway?


• Do you constantly seek advice from your friends about the man (or woman) you are dating because you don't trust your judgment about them?


• Does your boyfriend or husband (girlfriend or wife) mistreat you and then they deny their wounding behavior and talk you out of your hurt feelings?


• Do you constantly rely on others to help you make the large and small decisions in life?  

Are you afraid to stand up to the people you love because you don't want to seem irrational, unreasonable or ungrateful?

I spent a lifetime questioning my ability to deal with people who were manipulating and controlling. I was afraid to confront a girlfriend who treated me unfairly. I didn't know how to deal with a conniving, two-faced co-worker. I struggled to maintain healthy boundaries with my overbearing mother and calculating daughter. I was afraid to speak out about my boyfriend's unreliable, deceptive behavior because I might falsely accuse him (or I might be overreacting) and he would dump me.

I married a man who was shifty and abusive. I knew in my gut that my husband was manipulating me, lying to me and mistreating me, but when I confronted him, he blamed me, telling me I misunderstood what he said and I was hard to get along with. His excuses seemed logical and very convincing-and so I disregarded my intuitive voice, I suppressed my hurt feelings and I kept my mouth shut.

Maybe you're like me. You're tired of second guessing yourself about someone's double-talk, deception and inconsiderate behavior. You're tired of backing down to your partner's browbeating, self-serving behavior. You're tired of feeling befuddled, ineffective and weak. You're tired of being the victim.

At first, trusting your gut instincts can be scary, awkward and agonizing. Your negative self-talk will tell you: What if you make a mistake? What if you misjudge and hurt someone's feelings? What if you wrongly accuse your partner, they become angry and they leave you?

What if? What if? What if?

Take note: People may mistreat, mislead and betray you, but your intuition knows only to influence decisions that are in your best interest.

Behold: 5 Steps That Will Hone Your Intuition:

1. Intuition is like a muscle; the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. The more you listen to your internal voice (and not what someone tells you to believe), the more audible becomes the message, the wiser becomes the counsel, and the more significant is the advice. Soon it will become second nature.


2. Listen to your internal conversations. Pay attention to your feelings of anger, fear and resentment; examine the root cause of these feelings. Is the culprit your negative mindset, low self-esteem issues-or is it the damaging influence of someone else? Seek the reality of a hurtful relationship and the authenticity of a person. Ignore the criticisms and accusations of others and follow your gut.


3. Trust your first instincts about your partner's (or anyone's) questionable, inconsiderate and controlling behavior. Don't react, instead, pause in your thinking and silently question his (or her) words and actions. Don't be swayed by someone's flimsy excuses or boasting, flattering words.


4. Intuition is no good without the courage to act on your gut instincts. When you think someone is lying, twisting your words and manipulating you, step out on faith and expose their hurtful behavior. Each time you realize you were right, your confidence and self-esteem will increase.


5. Pay keen attention to your knee-jerk gut reaction to someone's questionable, unkind remarks and consider their underlying motive. If you feel in your heart, and you think in your head, chances are you are correct in your thinking. If something about a person doesn't sound or feel right, stop immediately and ask yourself, "WHY?" When you honor your intuition, you reinforce your core well being.

Nancy Nichols is an expert at the attitudes and behavior that will attract (and KEEP) a man's sincere interest. Don't blow your chances to gain the serious pursuit of a wonderful man. Learn in Nancy Nichols's Dating and Relationship Trilogy. Sign up for Nancy's Newsletter and receive more strategies on what sparks a man's interest at www.knowitallnancy.com. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com