Do you know how many times per day you show appreciation to someone you barely know? For example, a stranger holds the door open for you at the store, and you say, "Thank you!" But when your husband or wife does a million little things all day for you, they don't even get so much as a thank you.
When we do an analysis of what causes the most unhappiness in marriages, it's not lack of sex - it's feeling underappreciated and unnoticed. Most of us are only good at noticing what irritates and annoys us (and even better at commenting on it). Which is why your husband or wife doesn't want to come by and kiss you on the cheek or do something nice for you - they're not motivated.
The biggest difference in the quality of a relationship is when a couple notices and expresses sincere gratitude for the little things they do for each other. Because when your actions are noticed and appreciated, you feel valued and encouraged instead of taken for granted.
So,
for every criticism, give five compliments. Watch how motivated your spouse is to be different, more attentive, and more loving. If it doesn't work immediately, keep working at it. Sometimes people have a hard time believing that you suddenly got nice and it's going to last.
