A few days ago I heard you to tell a caller if she believes and continuously tells herself she is not worthy of a good loving respectful man, then she is NOT going to meet one! Your mindset is key to what you want. She would rather keep a bad relationship because she believes she doesn't deserve any better.
This resonated with me a whole lot deeper than I expected. I have been in a "casual" relationship for the last 7 1/2 yrs on and off with a man who is 6 yrs younger than me and in the military. What does that mean? It means we occasionally bop when he's in town then he goes away for months at a time until the next time. This is almost humiliating to say out loud. However, I have never really verbalized it this way, which makes this whole situation, sounds so cheap. And yes, I know it is cheap because that is what I have allowed myself to become.
I read "Bad Childhood, Good Life" among other therapeutic books and professional therapy to help me let go of my troubled youth and take hold of my life today. For the most part, I am very proud of myself when it comes to my career, my friendships and most importantly I was able to become an autonomous person in my family. When it comes to intimate relationships, well that's where I've not allowed myself to take responsibility and make wise decisions.
I see now having this guy in my life is sort of a shield for me to protect myself from reality. This guy is not going to marry, adore, love nor respect me, not ever. Yet, hearing that caller I saw myself trying to relive my childhood in these meaningless casual relationships, where I chose men who purposely could never give me what I need or want. I keep replaying the, I want Mommy to love me but she is incapable of scenario with this guy. So in turn, the small voice in my head whispers, no one could ever love you or you are not worthy, ends up being right!
I realize how pathetic this sounds. I am acting like I don't have a choice and keep settling for what little this man gives me. You are right my mindset needs to change. I have no right to cry about this since I chose this.
As of today, I am choosing to get on with my life and not sell myself short. I am 36yrs-old and it is time to act like it! I am beautiful, compassionate, caring, honest, giving, loving and most definitely worthy of more than this.
Thank you Dr. Laura, for smacking some sense into us gals who have fallen.
Sincerely,
C
