Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel. Janice wrote:
"I'm beginning to feel hopeless about not being a good mother. I was always a pushy mom, trying to teach my kids to be independent, while their father was and is a couch potato. [(Laughs) Sorry.] Now that they are teenagers, I resent that my husband never provided me any support. I feel that we would be better off separated. How can I put a stop to this feeling of resentment?"
You have to change it into something else. I don't know that you haven't been a good mother; I know you're frustrated that you've sort of being doing everything by yourself. And when kids get to a certain age they tend to play parents against each other and yours isn't helping you out much...your husband isn't helping you out much, being their parent.
The fact that your husband is a couch potato...sorry. But I guess when you were off picking guys you just wanted somebody laid back who wasn't going to give you a lot of guff, and this is what happens when you choose one of those. You go down the left road, you're not going to get anything that's on the right road. On the other hand, he's not beating anybody, he's not sitting there drunk and he's not out screwing around.
Your kids are better off having a couch potato dad than no dad at home at all, and that's the reality. And he may not be a very invested member of the family, but he's there and he's taken care of all of you. So, I think it's one of those times where you go, "It's not exactly what I would've wished for, but it is what I chose and there are good things to it."
The best way to get out of resentment that I know, is to try to think of the parts that you would miss. Try to think of the gentle moments and the fact that you can really count on him. So it's those things that take you out of resentment. It's not everything you wanted, but don't assume you're not being a good mother...yeah, maybe a little naggy, pushy, trying to make sure, you know, the kids make something of themselves but don't make that an overreaction to your husband. Something in between you and him is probably the perfect person [Laughs].
So make sure that if you're nagging your kids a lot, they're getting more than an equal amount of love and kisses, and being told how wonderful they are and how proud you are of them, and find things to compliment them. That's going to be very important to counter-balance anything else and do not say, "Do not come to be like your dad", because they love their dad and it's good to be able to be a couch potato, I don't know, 45 minutes a day...can't just don't do it in overdrive.
I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, until next time here on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing.
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