Dr. Laura Blog

In every relationship, there are basic needs and expectations that everyone has a right to expect. If you’re not getting them, then the relationship is not a match. Here are eight relationship expectations every person should have:

1. Affection. You hold hands, kiss, hug, and give each other back or foot rubs. Physical affection is very important.

2. Compassion. Whether you have a stomach ache or a heartache, it needs to matter to the other person when you’re not feeling OK.

3. Respect. You can disagree with each other, but there shouldn’t be any name-calling or ridiculing. If somebody is constantly ridiculing you and then following it up with, “I’m only kidding,” they’re a jerk - get rid of them.

4. Consideration. A considerate person thinks about how they impact you. They don’t have to give you everything you ask for or do everything you want, but they have to consider what you need, what you’d like, and what you have to say.

5. Time. Some people like a lot of time, a medium amount of time, and no time. A “no time” person is not going to get along with a “medium time” or “a lot of time” person. You have to be more matched in how much time you’re willing and able to give each other. For example, I always wanted dinner at 6.  That’s an important time for me because it’s the end of the day when you’re breaking bread and talking about everything. That’s the life I knew I wanted, and I wasn’t going to be with anybody for whom dinner at 6 was not a desire.

6. Interests. It’s reasonable to expect that your partner not only show interest in you but also the things you’re interested in, even if they may not be interested in those things themselves.

7. Intimacy. Intimacy isn’t sex - it’s being known. Over the weekend, I asked a couple who has been married a long time what makes them glad they’re married to each other. The woman said, “He lets me be me. Nobody else let me be me or accepted me for who I am.” I then asked the guy, who said, “She is sweet to me.” That is probably the number one thing married men want from their wives. Many women think it’s sex, however, what men really want is a woman who is nice to them. Men are very uncomplicated.

8. Generosity. Gifts are nice, but generosity really means that your partner is generous of themselves and their time. He or she goes out of their way to help, soothe, and take care of you.