I've struggled with people pleasing all my life. I am learning to speak up for what I think is right, but it's still very hard. I was raised without a father and as a 1-year-old was left to live with a foster-type family where I never quite felt like I belonged.
There are many things that go into creating a mindset where you feel "less-than" and it's very hard to overcome. Comments like, "Oh, are these your daughters?" and hearing the answer, "This one's our daughter and this one is just-like our daughter." At 8 years old, I was literally pulled from that family to go live with my mother and stepfather. I remember crying while sitting the car with them and looking up to see my foster mother crying. I felt like I was causing that. It was so sad, especially after living with them as a family for so long.
All these years later, I struggle with people pleasing, but Dr. Laura, you have helped. I tend to be shy and awkward with conversation and as an exhibiting artist, I push myself to talk to people. I find it hard to praise my own efforts and receive compliments, but I am working on it. I've married a few times. I am happy with how my family has accepted me as a mom who isn't perfect, although I've always tried so hard to do it all perfectly, thinking that is how you must behave to be loved. I have a very nice husband who loves me very much. He understands me and accepts all my past wrong choices. There are many. I have 4 wonderful grown children and 8 grandchildren who are lovely.
There are many unsaid things to this story, but all go with the choices we make have consequences. Divorce is a terrible mistake to put your children through, but it's the choices that need to be examined before we marry that need scrutiny.
I am blessed.
Lila
