I was the youngest of 6 targets that were convenient for our "mom and dad" to beat on. Mom was the queen and still believes her children are servants. Any excuse to pull out the belt, willow branches, Hot Wheels tracks, bare hands, or anything that was handy or not yet tried, were used on our bare behinds over a chair. The reasons could be as simple as one of us sneezing too loud. I did that only once. "Dad" died of lung cancer when I was 5.
At age 11, I remember vividly vomiting blood for three days, but I tried hiding it from my "mom" thinking I would get in trouble. One night I got up feeling sick again. I vomited and passed out from losing so much blood. I woke up in the hospital the next day. I guess all that chaos and fear caused a bleeding ulcer in my stomach.
While the nurse was changing my sheets, she saw blood and found the open wounds from the last few beatings on my backside and lower back. A policeman came and talked to me. I remember being so scared. Nothing ever came of it. The nurses and doctors all knew what was going on. I liked how nice they were to me.
One day I was kneeling on the bed, wheeling the food tray table around because "that's what any kid would do"... I got dizzy and slipped. The food tray table went to the wall. I was bridged from my knees on the bed to the wall hanging on to the tray table. I just knew I was in big trouble. The nurse came running in and placed her arms around my chest to rescue me. Something came over me. I wrapped my arms, legs, and entire body around this nurse and could not let go. I could tell when her grasp on me went from rescuer to what a "mother's arms" should feel like. She whispered in my ear, "I am so sorry." She didn't let go either. The feel of loving caring arms was the most amazing and overwhelming feeling I could never imagine.
Although there are other fun things I remember as a child, those arms wrapped around me, feeling what I felt for just a few moments, was my best childhood memory!! I am 53 and life has been a pretty big struggle. I constantly feel I'm not worthy.
Thank you, Dr Laura. You are my guidance, my strength, my healer. You are truly the mother I have never had. Thank you, Mom! Because of you I have amazing depth in my marriage as well as connection with my now adult children.
C.
