I NEVER considered myself to be a "controlling" spouse; however, many times, my wonderful husband of 41 years would comment on something I had said or done, saying I had control issues. I am very organized and like to be in charge of things, but never did I call myself controlling.
Two years ago, I was listening to you and a caller, and finally the light bulb came on!! Yes, I WAS DEFINITELY a controlling person. I had a horrible and abusive childhood. The caller had also been abused. You explained as long as the caller remained in control, they couldn't be hurt again -- in so many words. Therefore, I felt I HAD to remain in control, that way no one could hurt me to the extent I had been hurt before.
I then told my husband I indeed needed to be in control and explained to him why. Tears rolled down his face. He looked at me lovingly, relieved and said "Thank you". What I looked at as being "organized" etc., was in truth being controlling, and my husband stayed by my side all these many years.
I continually catch myself to "let go" of that control, and for the most part am being pretty successful. It does sneak back in every now and then, but I remind myself I don't need it because my wonderful loving husband protects me. Yes, he would swim through shark infested waters for me, even though he cannot swim! I'm only sorry it took all these years for that light bulb to come on. And yes, it does actually feel good to take a step back and let others "be in control".
Thank you Dr. Laura,
Carol
