Dr. Laura:
My husband recently lost a dear friend quite unexpectedly. When he came home from a somber day at work (where everyone was still reeling from the news), I greeted him with a smile and cooked dinner while he took a nap. He seemed deflated.
We made small talk over dinner, and then I escorted him to the couch and returned with a beer, sitting on the floor as he searched the TV for a baseball game. No words were exchanged. I then started to give him a foot massage. Slowly, he began remarking on a bad pitch or a missed catch, coming out of his funk a bit. I pretended to be interested.
When it was time for bed, I wasn't ready, so I offered to "tuck him in." I wanted to be there for him if he needed me. His face said it all: "I want to be with you, but I am drained." We embraced, shared many kisses and he was off to bed. I then took a minute to think that if I hadn't absorbed the wisdom of Mother Laura, I probably would have badgered him about his feelings and demanded to know what he needed. But I knew what he needed, thanks to you. He got a hot meal, physical touch, a couple of beers, and a crappy baseball game. I did not once feel neglected that we weren't talking as usual. It simply FELT right to do as I did - to be quieter, to physically connect, and to just BE there for him.
Thank you for helping us women understand our men and to remind us to shut up every once in a while!
Christine
