Dr. Laura,
I have been a hot mess! I had gotten to the point where I only had sex with my husband TWICE in the last year. This is going on 7 years of marriage and we're both in our early 40s. No children for either of us.
Recently, I discovered a secret email account my husband had which included profiles on dating sites. The profiles had no identifying info and no pictures of him. The secret email contained lots of pictures of various women in bathing suits mostly. I could find no evidence of any messages with any of the women and realized it was just visual stimulation for him. I immediately changed the password to all the dating sites and his email account. I then let him know he wouldn't be getting back in those accounts. I didn't nag him or start an argument. I only told him I didn't want to ever feel like I'd had been gut-punched again.
I was sick to my stomach for days and did some thinking about what I wanted from our marriage. Something told me to purchase "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." What an eye opener! In your book, I saw my own thinking, justifying, and rationalizing all the reasons I was withholding sex and then debunked and explained. The chapter on sex specifically spoke to me, realizing that is what my husband needs to be close to me.
I went to the store and bought a card for him - just as I used to do. I wrote in it, explaining I was going to start being his girlfriend again, not just his "stuck-in-a-rut wife". I then made him one of his favorite dinners. We have been kissing hello and goodnight since then - something we hadn't done in months. The sex is back and we're definitely headed in the right direction again. I can't thank you enough!
Sincerely,
Carrie
