I sent the following letter to my wife:
I was listening to Dr Laura today and I feel I have to put something down I heard her say or I am going to go nuts.
I am a guy,
Guys, whether women like it or not, are fixers and view their role in the world as protectors and fixers.
I know you don't want to be fixed and I have been really trying hard to stay out of your way but listen to what I feel, it might help you to understand my own frustrations.
This is how "all" guys are wired we cannot help it.
Fact:
The entire economy has turned upside down.
Feeling:
It is my job to protect my family from this but I can't and have to ask you for help.
Fact:
You had to go back to work and it causes a lot of pain for you.
Feeling:
It is my fault because I am not a good enough provider or protector of my family.
Fact:
I see you drinking and taking pills to help you sleep through your pain and worry.
Feeling:
It is my fault because I am not a good enough provider and you have to work.
Fact:
I see the alcohol and pills taking their toll on you both mentally and physically.
Feeling:
It is my fault because I can't fix or help you, I cannot provide the income to keep you home.
Fact:
Our oldest daughter and you don't like each other and the more I attempt to help the more trouble I cause.
Feeling:
It is my fault because I should be able to fix anything - that is my job.
Fact:
People at your work say things that hurt your feelings and I see it when you get home.
Feeling:
I cannot fix it, or really do anything about it so I feel like I am not protecting you.
Fact:
You are not attracted to me anymore sexually.
Feeling:
I have failed at having the most basic of male skills, attracting a woman.
I am not complaining at all nor am I getting on my pity pot. I know many of these things are beyond my control. I wanted you to know that being a "guy" is just as difficult as being a "girl" the only difference is that guys can be blamed for almost everything and they will accept responsibility because that is what they have been taught and wired to do.
I feel impotent, useless, incapable and having a difficult time focusing on the real problems at hand. My way of sharing your pain is to accept responsibility for it and attempt to fix it.
I am a guy that is what I do please don't condemn me for doing what I am wired to do, it is the way I show you I love you.
S.
