Dr. Laura,
Recently you asked, "Some people have difficulty making a commitment to love. With what did you have to struggle before you made such a commitment?"
I started thinking about how to select a partner in junior high school. I then went to an all-boys high school, so not much happened there, but in college, I started looking in earnest. Once I met my future wife, I was not in a hurry, since I figured I should be on a two-year time table. My future wife, however, had never thought of getting married. Her aunt, who sold cosmetics, had made her think she was too ugly to ever find a husband. Furthermore, she was not impressed by the happiness of her parents, so she had pretty much decided she would never get married.
I made my interest known. We were happy dating, and even buying many airplane tickets to stay in touch when I transferred East and she transferred West. Once I decided she was the one, I started to work to convince her we would be good together. I showed her my parents' marriage and told her it was really quite good. At any rate, I finally got her to agree to marry me. We have now had 40 wonderful years together.
So, I guess I was determined to conquer her fear of commitment, and it was never a problem for me, since I found a wonderful person before getting tired of the search. I was a little lucky my thinking about the problem first helped me select a good person. I remember it really helping me avoid the most obvious pitfalls you often talk about.
Sincerely,
Peter
