Conflict is usually an issue with communication. Here is what I learned from my first marriage:
1. Follow my mother's advice: shut up and listen. Numerous times I've listened to my significant other and found the source of a misunderstanding, corrected it explained my meaning or clarified events and moved forward.
2. Compromise isn't giving in. Constantly telling the other person "no" only creates animosity. Listening to what they want and devising a plan you BOTH can live with makes life so much easier.
3. You have more control with a soft voice and clean, non-accusatory language than trying to yell over each other, swearing at each other, or setting them into the defensive.
4. Know all the facts. Too often I jumped to a conclusion which left me negative and hurting and feeling down right stupid when I found out the truth.
5. Don't go to friends with an issue: bad reporting paints a negative image of your loved one that can't be changed. Go to the source, not the crowd.
6. Don't argue when tired, hungry, distracted by media, or children are present. Your full attention is not on resolving that issue, but tending to something more pleasurable.
7. And lastly, don't argue through a text. The other person cannot see your facial expression, hear the tone and inflections in your voice, or know what stressors are pounding on your back at that moment and things will only escalate. A person reads a text based on the mood THEY are in at that moment, not necessarily as the writer intended. Agree to call and talk over the phone at that time or wait to chat at a later time when you can better judge their body language.
Vicky
