Regarding Charity's 12 year old daughter suffered a stroke...
This site has resources and a support group in the form of a listserv. There are a number of people who would be glad to talk to you over the phone as well. Some of them have faced situations like yours. http://www.hemikids.org/
Strokes do happen to children for various reasons. My daughter had a stroke (or other event) while in utero. They delivered her about 2 weeks early because she wasn't moving around in the womb like she should have been and they became concerned that she might be in distress. She has no underlying health issues, it was just a fluke. With all of her after birth care I was the one who told the doctors at her 5 month checkup that something more was wrong; prior to that she was considered "normal".
I think having it happen to a child later like yours is in many ways is more difficult. I have been raising my daughter from nearly the beginning knowing we would have some struggles. On the upside, your daughter's growth should be pretty far along and hopefully you won't have to worry about limbs being the same length. This is important, not just aesthetically, but because it can cause them health problems when their bones harden.
You should approach your daughter as a person you are getting to know again, because she may not be the same person she was. The whole family will help her to regain as much function as possible. What's possible is amazing and often surpasses the expectations of doctors and therapists. If you could meet my daughter you would find an energetic, precocious, charming, intelligent, dramatic, stubborn, difficult and engaging 4 year old girl. You would not realize her disability right away. Your daughter's potential is unknown. Just take it one day at a time like Dr. Laura said and know you will have good and bad days. Think of your older daughter and husband as resources and companions, the more they help with your daughter, the better their overall outlook will be and the less stressed you will be. The first year after our daughter's diagnosis it was difficult to be around my husband, but once he started seeing our daughter as a dynamic child and not a disabled one, things improved.
M.
