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11/04/2014
Dr. Laura:
I have been married for 19 years and we have two teenage girls.
When my husband would ask me "Honey what do you want for Christmas?" I would coyly say "Oh Nothing - don't worry about getting me a present" when inside I would hope he would take that to mean "Please get me something YOU picked out and has meaning for me".
One Christmas I snapped when we all sat down to open gifts, and I had none. All my frustration and hostility came out at once when I answered "MOM would like to open gifts too and feel needed, but no one thought to do anything for me!" My husband looked and me and realized what had gone wrong and quietly apologized. I told him that it was MY fault for "thinking and wishing" that he would do something that was in MY head. After all, if I never gave him ideas, how would he know what to buy me?
My husband told me that he would be buying me gifts from this point on, as he didn't know how much it bothered me being left out. I felt silly for not ever sharing with him that side of me and since then, we get each other small gifts for our exchange and I love opening a present that he wrapped by himself, even if it is something for the house or all of us to use. The thought is more than the gift and I appreciate the sentiment, not the cost.
Jill
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