My husband and I have been married for 16 years - it's the second marriage for both of us. We had kids ranging from age 9 to 2 when we wed. I want to implore your listeners to follow your instructions and not to remarry or bring other people into your kids' lives until they are out of high school. Both of my wonderful sons are in counseling for anxiety and depression, which I have no doubt is a direct result of my husband's volatile relationship with them when they were younger.
Like most everyone in this situation, I thought my story would be different. The kids would be well-loved, well-adjusted and life would be rosy. Love would be enough. Truth be told, the last 16 years have been more difficult than I could have ever guessed. Looking back, I know my selfishness in choosing to marry again took much away from my children. You always think YOUR "blended" family will work. It may or it may not, but it is a very rough road nonetheless. Everyone is NOT treated fairly, no matter how hard you try. It is human nature to protect and promote our own children over others. It is impossible to truly blend separate parts. You have a mixed bag of people, desperately trying to keep above water.
That said, our youngest graduated from high school this year. My husband and I are closer and happier than ever, and we have good relationships with all four of our adult children.
If you have already remarried, there is hope. If you always put the kids FIRST in your new life, things can work out....eventually. But it won't be easy for any of you, and really, life is difficult enough. Why not just wait until the kids are grown up and gone to spread your wings and fly?
Amelia
