Dr. Laura,
I am a 26-year-old woman who is married with no children. I have been a listener since I was 10 years old.
For years I have heard you counsel divorced or soon-to-be divorced parents on the appropriate way to interacted with their exes in the presence of their mutual children. I would like to give my account of what it is like to be the adult child of divorced parents who actually acted like what you consider "grown ups." Are my parents perfect? No. Did they inflict pain upon each other during their marriage and divorce? Probably. Did I know about it? NO!
My parents divorced when I was 5 years old. They never spoke ill of one another, never pitted me against each other and never put me in the middle of their problems. Growing up, I saw many of my friends from divorced families suffer with fighting over child support and visitations. I NEVER experienced any of these. If it was my dad's weekend for visitation and I had an important sleepover birthday party that Saturday, he happily agreed to pick me up the next weekend. My parents were adults. They were selfless and cooperative and put me as the child first.
At my high school graduation my father took my mother aside and thanked her for being a wonderful mother to me. When I graduated college my mother personally thanked my father for financially supporting me through my education. At my wedding she thanked my stepmother for helping. She lives 500 miles away and was unable to be there for every step of the wedding planning.
Though I'm sure my parents have not always agreed with every choice the other had made they never made me bear the brunt of their frustration. As an adult having realized what maturity and kindness it took for each of them to set such a wonderful example, I have made sure to thank them both on several occasions over the years for their selflessness and kindness that has made my life so much better. I am never torn at the holidays as they happily take turns and every major life event they seem happy to see one another and are even able to joke with each other over past experiences. I hope my story as being and THRIVING from two divorced " grown ups" can help others who may not see how being KIND and MATURE despite their personal feelings can help their children live healthier, fuller and less anxious adult lives.
Thank you for all you do.
Lauren
