In 2004, my husband, my love, the father of my 2 sons (then 15 and 18) died suddenly. We ran together every day for the 23 years we were married. The day before he passed away was no exception. We ran 4 miles. He never faltered or complained of not feeling well. Unbeknown to us, he had a tear in his aorta which would burst and take his life the very next day which was Thanksgiving Day.
I was very much the mom and wife. He took care of all the "manly" domestic chores and the finances. I performed the more traditional roles of caring for the home. We shared in the tasks of parenting and raising our boys. He was a pillar in the community. He was involved in coaching, community service and was a leader in his position at the community college. I was the woman always by his side.
The community surrounded my family with love, support, food and contributions to my sons' college education. Although I was grateful, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and lay in bed all day. My youngest son asked me on day two of his going back to school after his father's funeral service, "Why do I have to go to school, but you don't have to go to work?" I worked outside the home and kept the same work hours as their school hours. Wake Up Call!!! That day, I knew that I must find my inner strength for my sons to preserve the memory of their father while creating a new normal for us all.
Lawn work, housework, finances, homework: we did it all together. I found a new strength that I never knew I had. I learned to shoot hoops, punt and throw a football and a Frisbee. I can discuss first-and-ten with the guys like most women cannot!
I told my son that sometimes life sucks. He said, "No Mom. Some things that happen in life suck, but life does not suck." Again, he was right and another revelation came with his insight. I couldn't just go through the motions, I had to really live the life that I had created. How right a 15 year old was. I gathered strength for my sons and through my sons. It changed my life. I am more independent, stronger and a better mom and woman because I learned through tragedy to love the life that I was given. My sons are now 25 and 28. They have graduated college with Master's degrees and have no debt. My eldest just married the love of his life and she is like the daughter I always wanted. These men are strong, caring sensitive hunks. I am blessed to have married again and they love their step-dad and are so proud of me for being a strong mother and wife.
Kathy Jo
