Dr. Laura Blog

Couples don’t just grow apart. They let go of each other. Here are 8 tips to prevent that from happening in your marriage:

1. Maintain the element of surprise. Surprises tell the other person that you put in thought. Everybody likes to know they’re being thought about, especially when you’re not around. Come home with a silly, cute gift. Plan a weekend or overnight getaway. Set up the bathroom with music, flowers, candles, and wine, and sit in the bathtub together. Surprises shake you from the boring and familiar, and make you feel special to each other again.

2. Send each other little messages. Send emails and texts. Leave voicemails. Slip romantic notes in his or her lunch. Write messages of encouragement if your spouse is going through something. Take the time out to make the connection.

3. Say, “I love you,” frequently and like you mean it. Don’t just make “I love you” a vapid phrase you use when you’re hanging up the phone. Really say it.

4. Do something new together. Whether it’s scuba diving or a Japanese cooking class, try learning something together instead of only focusing on your own interests, activities, and hobbies.

5. Choose friends who are happily married. Having friends who are always bitching about each other or having affairs does nothing to reinforce feelings of commitment in your marriage.

6. Have goals together. When you were dating, I’m sure you talked about your hopes and dreams. Never stop doing that! Whether it’s training for a half marathon or saving up for a vacation, share some goals together.
   

7. Get past the superficial, day-to-day conversations. Instead of only asking things like, “What do you want for dinner?”, ask, “What were you thinking about when you were staring out the window?”, or, “What is it like to deal with your mom/dad/sister/brother?”  Ask questions that have some meaning and depth that encourage both of you to be vulnerable, honest, and open.

8. Every time you see each other, act like it’s the first day you discovered you were in love. Don’t just come home. Kiss, hug, and smile. Make it a special moment.