Dr. Laura Blog

If our continued efforts to have successful relationships keep resulting in failure, we need to look at why we're repeating the same pattern instead of falling back into the same old cycle. Here are 6 signs your relationship won’t last:

1. You’re unable to compromise. Compromise is making the conscious choice to accept each other for exactly who you are. Compromising isn’t always 50/50 or tit for tat. It’s not about keeping score. If you want your relationship to last, you need to give up your need to be right and in control all of the time.

2. You can’t let go of the past. You can’t use bad experiences from prior relationships as an excuse not to be nice, kind, or open. By the same taken, you can’t use somebody’s past (either in your relationship or another relationship) as a weapon against him/her.

3. You don’t put in the effort. Couples don’t grow apart. One or both of you stops putting in the effort. When you neglect to put in the effort, you don’t feel connected. When you walk anywhere together, hold hands. Sit close when you’re watching a movie. Actually talk to each other when you’re eating dinner.

4. You avoid conflict. It’s not that you’re not willing to fight; it’s that you don’t want to express your feelings, so you sweep them under the rug. That’s where the problems start. If you discuss stuff right away, you avoid the blow-up.  

5. You don’t talk about your feelings. It’s really not that hard to say, “I’m hurt/disappointed/annoyed. How can we fix this to make each other feel better?”  Without either of you defending yourselves, ask what you can do as a couple so you don’t feel this way again or have the same fight. That way, the two of you are on the same side of the fence problem solving instead of on opposite sides of the fence throwing cow puckies at each other.

6. You compromise on the big stuff. You should never compromise your morals, values principles, and ethics for a relationship. That’s a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.