Dr. Laura Blog

Saying no can unravel a lot of friendships and relationships, but sometimes it’s the healthiest thing for you to do. Some of you burn yourselves out with inappropriate guilt thinking you have to be all things to all people or nobody will like you. However, genuine relationships are about give and take.

Here are four tips for saying no:

1. Say no sooner than later. Don’t wait until you’re fed up to say no. Built-up resentment is like a time bomb just waiting to explode.

2. Don’t feel guilty for saying no. Not giving everybody what they want how and when they want it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything bad or wrong. If someone can’t accept no for an answer, that’s their problem not yours. Let him or her be pissed. A demanding, self-centered, or insensitive person is not reasonable and doesn’t care about you.

3. Examine why you’re saying no. Are you saying no because you’ve done something a hundred times before and it hasn’t gotten you anywhere? Do you have other priorities requiring your attention?

4. Say no as graciously as you can. The phrase I tell callers on my show to use all the time is, “I wish I could, but I am not able to do that for you.” You don’t have to provide an explanation. In fact, don’t give an explanation because it’s really none of the other person’s business. Besides, even if you do, he or she will have an argument for any reason or excuse you give.