|
July 27, 2010
Tip of the Week: December 27th, 2009  When you Go Home for the Holidays By The Love Goddess www.thelovegoddess.com "I'm going to be asked by my aunt--yetagain--why I'm not married," and am tired of answering thequestion with "Because I haven't met anyone yet. Because the look onher face when I say that is, like, triumphant. 'Oh dear.' she says,shaking her head 'I guess, well,--and here she smiles--no one's reallygood enough. Such a shame. How old are you now?'" 'My brothers are going to tease meabout gaining weight. I need a quick answer that doesn't humiliate me.Help! Okay darling earth girls; time to get smart--now, beforeChristmas. Answers to stupid questions require planning ahead,lest they make you so mad you lose your cool. Here are threetried-and-true ways to five answers to the world's most obnoxiousquestions. Note that they share a theme, and that it's the theme you'reto remember. 1. ANYONE WHO ASKS YOU WHY YOU'RE NOT MARRIED DESERVES A BLOW-OFFANSWER.--AS GOOFY AND INSINCERE AS YOU CAN MAKE IT. Don't takethe question or the person seriously, as it's not a sincere questionbut rather one designed to make you uncomfortable (for, after all, whatanswer can you give that doesn't require an intimate, honestexchange?). So, unless you're prepared to level the person and start afight, evade the question with a breezy, even goofy answer--it deflectsthe hostility and you come out looking cheerful and unfazed. 2. To hone this skill, try anticipating the questioner's real point,and offer the answer she or he wants to hear. "I guess no one's goodenough for me, Aunt Jane" is very good, as it saves her the trouble ofimplying just that. 'No one would ever marry me because I'm fartoo stupid is another good one. Whatever you suspect the hidden agendais. 3. Disarm the questioner with something more interesting than thequestion. "I came close to marrying Fred Auntie, but he got worriedwhen he discovered how rich I am." At least she'll do a double take.You? Rich? How and when? Huh? An excellent answer. Thenturn and pour yourself a drink--and don't join her again. The theme here is to disarm the rude questioner in any way you can. Thegoofier the answer, the better. "Gosh, Grandpa, I DO want toget married and have found just the right guy.... For a roomful of family friends who all seem to be asking the samequestion and can't shut up, try. "Oh, you haven't heard, UncleBill. I AM married! I just haven't announced it yet! You're thefirst to know--so keep it a secret for me for now, okay?" Bill willwant to know when you're going to tell everyone. Just say, "Soon! Verysoon!" Same for your boyfriend, the neophyte carpenter. Have him tell yourmother he's working on a chest of drawers for the queen of England. Andtell your brothers that the reason you've gained weight is that you'reon the girls' basketball team and are taking steroids till you reachthe proper strength. See? And then walk away and find someone to talk to who loves you just theway you are. Posted by Staff at 7:23 PM |