By Harry H Harrison Jr.
www.fearlessparenting.com

A life devoid of discipline is a life of chaos.  But many of us are afraid of using that word “discipline,” because we think it translates into “punishment” or that “disciplined” means turning little children away from the fantasy and wonder of childhood and into little robots.

Fearless Parents know discipline is the fine art of doing things you don’t want to do when you don’t want to do them. Discipline is why a college student will pass up a night of partying to study for a chemistry exam. Discipline is why an athlete will practice four hours in the freezing rain while her friends are sitting by a fire inside. Discipline is why a young banker will stay up all night finishing an Excel spread sheet.

If our children are going to make it as adults, they need to develop the mental and spiritual discipline to face the world, to get knocked down and get up again.  Discipline is required to work at a problem until it's solved; discipline is needed to write a fourth and fifth draft of a term paper.  It takes discipline to stay on a budget, to pay bills when they’re due.  It takes discipline to show up on time, to keep your word, and to not gossip. When life gets rough, it can take discipline to go home to your spouse instead of a bar, to not yell at your kids just because you’ve had a bad day, and to give back to God when it doesn’t seem He’s giving a lot to you.

Discipline is the learned ability to shake off setbacks, and reapply yourself to the issue in front of you. It takes discipline to not buy everything you want, to not use a charge card when you don’t have the money and to not go into mountains of debt. Yet so many kids come out of high school without the discipline to sit at their desk for an hour and read a book that it’s frightening.

Fearless Parents know the power of discipline is the power to achieve against all odds. It’s the power to start a company; to be faithful in a marriage; to have a meaningful relationship with God because you have the discipline of prayer, thanksgiving and tithing.

Discipline is the door to unbelievable accomplishments, to incredible self-fulfillment, to sanity and peace of mind, but many parents want to rob their kids of this tool, so they, the parents, can feel better about themselves and not worry about their kids’ happiness.  So we do their homework for them, peel off $20’s whenever asked and complain to their teacher about them failing a test.

It takes parental discipline to establish rules and boundaries and consistently enforce them.

1. Give your kids chores to accomplish the same time every day or week.
2. Enforce homework hours before Facebook, video games or TV.
3. Establish consequences for behavior – both good and bad - and consistently apply them.
4. Insist they get a job and announce they now have to show up on time, follow the rules and not bother you for any more money.
5. Encourage them to practice longer and harder if they want to make first string or first chair or win the lead part.
6. Urge them to double down on their effort if they don’t succeed.
7. Remember it’s not your job to make their lives easier, but to prepare them for adulthood.

The key to this is simple: don’t feel sorry for them. It takes parental discipline to watch a child try hard, not succeed, and suggest she try even harder. We feel like we should be taking more action for our child when it’s we ourselves who need the discipline to leave taking action up to our child.

It’s hard to teach the value of discipline day after day. But we must be fearless about this. This is where foolish parents gum it up. They think discipline is all about restrictions and boundaries. It’s about freedom. The freedom to spend money knowing your budget; to party knowing you’ve done your studying; to enjoy dating knowing how far you’ll go. Discipline is the ability to do what’s needed to be done, time after time, no matter the circumstances.

The world of adulthood can be brutal, unforgiving and highly competitive. By teaching our kids discipline we’re opening the door to unbelievable power and stunning achievement. Discipline will enable them to act and think like an adult so they can succeed in the adult world. Be fearless about this. Be disciplined about this. 

Because discipline is a gift that can change their lives.  

Harry H Harrison Jr. is a New York Times best selling parenting author with over 3.7 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit www.fearlessparenting.com.