Ignoring problems in your relationship doesn’t make them go away - they only get worse. It’s not easy to hear that someone you love is dissatisfied with something about you, but it’s absolutely essential that you have a conversation about it. Here are 5 tips for discussing problems in your relationship:

1. Make sure you’re with someone who can talk about relationship problems. Too many people find out that they’re with someone who can’t talk things out and get married anyway. You have to be with someone who cares enough to listen, empathize, and make an effort to change. And YOU need to be that person too. If neither person is willing to do that, then you’re wasting your time.

2. Any time you’re going to say something that sounds like a criticism, start by saying something positive:

   • “I really care about you.”

   • “I respect and admire you.”

   • “I love the time we spend together.”

   Then say you need to talk. That way, you’re not attacking.

3. Pick the right time and place. The right time is in private (e.g. don’t do it at your parents’ house within earshot of everyone). The wrong time is when someone is exhausted or already frenzied about something else.

4. Accept the idea that you’re contributing to the problem. For example, if you’re explaining to your boyfriend or girlfriend that he/she doesn’t listen when you’re trying to complain about something, perhaps you’re spending so much time complaining that he/she simply can’t stand it anymore.

5. Don’t sweep the issue under the rug. If you’re mad about something, discuss it. Brainstorm together about how to make things better. Don’t hold on to something and explode about it later.