December 20, 2013
Loneliness is a Voluntary Condition

Hi Dr Laura,

This year, my husband decided to end our marriage of 18 years to pursue greener pastures. I could struggle with loneliness or hit the bars, but I have chosen otherwise. I'm re-tooling my education so I can go back to work when my cobra benefits run out.  So I can stay on my kids' schedules, I am substitute teaching at my girl's schools.  Plus, I love it. It's not exactly sunshine and roses, but the kids and I are building a good life together. We have moved twice in the last six months to get into a house I can afford, but I am pleased to say I've kept them in their same schools and activities through the craziness. Therapy helps, but not everything can be fixed.

When they are gone to their Dad's, I'm super lonely, but I'm not about to start dating until the girls are out of the house. My two doggies don't quite cut it, even if they are adorable and follow me from room to room. So, I decided to start something called Stone Soup Saturday Night on the first Saturday every month. Do you know the folk tale about stone soup? It's about a peddler who went from door to door asking for food.  When no one would invite him in, he invited them to join him in the square for stone soup. They all said no - they only had a little bit of food and it wasn't enough to feed their own family, so they wouldn't share it. Ultimately, everyone showed up with their little and made a good soup together. I live in an area where people don't really talk to each other unless they are in the same circles. So, I'm mixing it up! I'm hoping people will show up to my house, bring someone I don't know, and we can all have some fun getting to know each other. I have emphasized family-friendly, bring one thing only for the soup, and you can't BUY it - it has to already be in your pantry or fridge. The thing is, we don't have to be lonely. We can reach out to other people.

I volunteer at my church, my kids' schools, and for my daughter's dance team. I write a blog. I listen to you every day on satellite radio. I play with my two poodle puppies. I paint beautiful pictures. Lonely happens from time to time, but loneliNESS is a voluntary condition, I have discovered. Really, there are plenty of people out there willing to help you overcome it. Thank you for bringing up this subject.

Celeste



Posted by Staff at 11:15 AM