August 22, 2018
What An Eye-Opener

Dr. Laura:

I have listened to you for just over a year, and have come to realize that I have been a hot mess!  I had gotten to the point where I only had sex with my husband of seven years TWICE in the last year.  We're both in our early 40s and have no children.

I recently discovered a secret email account my husband had which included profiles on dating sites.  There didn't seem to be any identifying information about him and there were no pictures of him.  I could find no evidence of his sending any messages with any of the women, and I realized it was probably just visual stimulation for him.

Without nagging or starting an argument, I let him know I'd found them, and that I never wanted to feel gut-punched again.  Then I did some thinking about what I wanted and expected from the marriage and where we go from here.

I purchased your book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, even though I wasn't sure it could help.  What an eye-opener!  I saw myself in several chapters - and how I justified and rationalized all the reasons why I was withholding sex.  After reading the chapter on sex, I learned that sex is what my husband needs to be close to me.  

I wrote him a note saying that I hadn't been nourishing this marriage and promising him I was going to start being his girlfriend again and not just his "stuck in a rut" wife.  I made one of his favorite dinners, and we've started kissing each other in the morning and at night - something we hadn't done in months.  The sex is back and we're definitely headed in the right direction again.  And I'm also re-reading the book, so see if I missed anything the first time!

Cheryl



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Posted by Staff at 10:59 AM