January 17, 2019
Instilling Values Early

Dear Dr. Laura:

My second daughter was 4 years old and playing at a friend's home.  She came home with a penny that she had taken from the neighbor child's bedroom.  I told her that stealing was against the law and against our values as a family, and she had to go back to the house, give the penny back, apologize for stealing and tell them she was wrong.  My stinker of a daughter refused to go back and return the penny.

I told her that people who steal go to jail, and I sent her to her room.  She was not allowed to eat dinner with the family.  I later brought her a cold sandwich.  Eventually, she decided she would go to the neighbor, not because she had come to some great moral epiphany, but because she didn't want to miss the Disneyland trip we were planning the next day.  Still, she was so embarrassed and humiliated that she swore she would never steal again...and she didn't.  She's 26 now.

Many people told me I was overreacting, but my thought was "stealing is wrong no matter the amount of money or value of the item."  I knew that if I didn't stop it at that moment, she would think it was okay to take things that didn't belong to her.  All our kids have been held accountable for their behavior and my husband and I instilled in them a strong sense of moral values.  They've grown into good adults of whom we are proud. It's not always easy to be a good parent, but the rewards are awesome.

Janie


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Posted by Staff at 10:59 AM