When someone intentionally hurts you, it’s understandable to want to hurt them back. I absolutely would like to wreak havoc on anyone who tries to intentionally hurt me or mine. I am the original mother bear – if you mess with my family, my friends, or my peeps, you mess with me. 

Some people may call this revenge. I call it justice, comeuppance, and consequences.  When someone does something bad, they deserve to have it splashed back in their face.

However, before you try to get back at someone who has wronged you, you first need to take the time to figure out how you’ve contributed to the situation. Most people who get their feelings hurt don’t want to take any responsibility. Maybe you’ve screwed up too. Maybe the other person had no intention of hurting you. If that’s the case, then getting angry not only isn’t fair, but it makes you look ridiculous.

The second thing you have to think about is if getting revenge is worth it. If you can find a legal and moral way to zap a person who has earned zapping, then go for it. But if you spend almost every waking hour for the next five years trying to figure out how to do it, the only person you’re hurting is yourself. Don’t spend an inordinate amount of time and effort plotting how to get even – it’s a total waste of your life.

For more thoughts and advice on revenge and betrayal, read my book, Surviving a Shark Attack (On Land).