There are a number of qualities which indicate that you’re in a healthy relationship. Here are the ones I think are most important:

1. You don’t fall apart or get insecure when they’re not around. You have to be able to give each other space to do your own thing and be OK with it. If the other person is not on your radar screen, you can’t be worrying that somehow they are not loving you or thinking about you. That’s death to any relationship.

2. You can say the truth of what’s on your mind (in a nice way, of course). In an unhealthy relationship, you’re afraid to speak the truth because you’re worried that the other person will be mad or won’t like you. However, he or she should be the person you can say anything to, even more than your priest or rabbi.

3. You share similar values. Sharing similar values makes for compatibility, which corresponds to a long-term positive outcome. Couples need to be on the same page with big things like values, otherwise, there is going to be a lot of tension, especially with children. For example, if one of you is Christian and the other is Jewish, what are you going to teach your kids? That Jesus is the savior on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and just a teacher on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays? Marriages and families do better when you’re all of one mind; it doesn’t matter what that mind is as long as you share it with a passion. Being with somebody who shares your religious, moral, or world view is so important, especially during tough times because there is no arguing about it - there’s just embracing and getting through it together.

4. You trust each other. Trust means you have placed your confidence and faith in the other person, and you expect honesty, integrity, and loyalty from them. Disloyalty doesn’t just come in the form of infidelity. A lot of people are more loyal to their parents or family members than the person they made vows to in front of God and community.

5. You’re committed to each other. You need to know that when the tough parts of life rear their ugly head, the other person is going to hunker down and help. When bad things happen to you and you feel like you’re a burden, the other person has to let you know that it’s not true because they are committed to you and that your pain is their pain.

6. Each of you is always trying to do more for the other person. Think O. Henry’s The Gift of the Magi. If the two of you are falling over yourselves trying to be the most loving and caring, that’s an indication of a healthy relationship. It’s not complicated - it’s simply being loving and unselfish.