February 6, 2018
'Finding' Your Soulmate

Dr. Laura:

Recently, you spoke about the idea of soulmates, and how people who believe in soul mates expect their marriages to somehow take care of themselves, and when things get bumpy they move on to find another soul mate.  I work in geriatrics, and I get to meet couples who have been married for 40, 50 and sometimes 60 years.  As these couples tell their stories, I realize they really are soulmates, but not because they were soul mates when they met, but because they have shared a lifetime of experiences, joys, and sorrows together.  They didn't stay together because they are soulmates; they became soulmates because they stayed together.

My husband is the one person who has been beside me for the beauty of our wedding, our honeymoon, and the joys and fears of pregnancy and childbirth.  He held our daughters through the long nights of infancy and taught them to ride their bikes.  He's been beside me on my worst days and comforted me, and he has celebrated the best times with me and laughed with me.  Sure, there are days when we argue, but if we decided to throw in the towel one day and start fresh with someone else, all that shared history is gone.

The more relationships you go through trying to find a soulmate, the less of you there is to BE a soulmate for someone else.  Just as hardship and endurance create our own characters, the hardship and endurance are what creates the soul of a marriage.  The accountability, reliability and the kind of love that grows stronger over time cannot happen at first sight.  I believe in soulmates, but it's not something you "find."  It is something you create over a lifetime.  Thank you so much for all your guidance.

Ashlee


Posted by Staff at 10:59 AM