November 21, 2013
Second Marriages

I think second marriages fail because of "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence" syndrome. I'm in my second marriage, and I'm proud to say my husband and I just celebrated our 21st anniversary! However, it wasn't easy!! I married my high school sweetheart at age 18 and had 2 kids right away. Of course I had to work - or so I thought - because we were trying to live like everyone else - with "stuff" and in debt. The stresses of job/kids/marriage became too much so I thought "the grass would be greener" and it would be easier to live our lives separately. We split the stuff, shared the kids, and I moved out. 

I fell in love with a co-worker, and after two years of dating, we got married. I had my reservations about this, but figured "the grass is greener" so it'll all work out. There was a lot of turmoil in the first several years - all the things you talk about on your show. There was conflict with the kids living in two households and not having a real place to call home.  We added two more kids to the mix - and REALLY made the first ones feel displaced.  My husband parented them differently.  And then there were the money conflicts yours, mine, and the child support. The list goes on! I was in a stressful job, with my kids in day care, working 30 miles from home and in a marriage that was less than happy. 

Then I started listening to you.  Initially, it was simply for the entertainment value, after all, I didn't agree with ANYTHING you were saying. Basically, I was doing everything wrong, according to you. After a while, though, it began to sink in. You were making a lot of sense! 

I read your book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, and put it into practice. WOW...there was hope! I began "treating him kindly", as you say, and he reciprocated! There was still a lot of stress, but at least we were getting along now and so we began having more than just superficial conversation. We eventually agreed that I'd quit my job and concentrate on being mom and wife. What a difference that made! The stress level for our whole family took a plunge! I realized that I had chosen wisely!! HE was a keeper! My first husband moved out of state shortly after I got remarried, so the boys lived with us full time. My husband is a saint for being a good role model for them. Although he initially competed with them, he eventually came around and they have a good relationship now that they are grown. 

Do I recommend second marriage? No...I have a lot of guilt for what I put my boys through - Luckily it's all good now, but wait until the kids are grown! 

Angie


Posted by Staff at 11:50 AM