Hi Dr. Laura:

I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately - overworked and over-taxed with no down time. Since I have taken on a 2-day per week job, my home responsibilities haven't changed at all. I’m not a mother, but I live in South Africa in a thatched (grass roof) house that creates a lot of daily work due to raining dirt little bugs, and gecko poop.  I know…why on EARTH would anybody live in a place like this? Thatched roof houses do look nice on the inside, Dr. Laura!
 
Anyway, my expectation that my husband would automatically do the stuff I do on the days he is home and I am working, have just not materialized. Yesterday when I left for work, I DID NOT empty the dishwasher or the trash, thinking SURELY he would do it. But he didn't. When I discovered last night the dishwasher was still full and he'd just worked around it to make his food…that was it.
 
Although I was fuming inside, I very calmly made a list of daily items that need to be tended to or at least checked every single day here at our house. When he is away working, I do this AND MUCH MORE, and when I am working and he is home, I'd like him to do these general daily maintenance items so I don't have to come home and work MORE. So during a commercial break on the news I just lowered the sound on the TV and said with a very calm, not nasty attitude, "I'd like to have a quick chat. I am feeling overworked and overwhelmed. I am working too much. I need your help. Here is a list of items I'd like you to help me with on the days I am working and you are not:

Whoever works outside the home, the other is responsible that day for the following items, checking to see if any or all of these need to be done:

Emptying the dishwasher
Cleaning up any poop anywhere in the house
Sweeping or vacuuming the floors
Mopping the floors
Making the bed
Cleaning the stove
Carrying out the trash
Doing laundry - washing it, hanging it out, putting away the pins, and putting the laundry away
Keeping water in the dog's dish
Checking the outside stoop plants for watering needs
Cleaning the poop/bugs out of the bathtub

He said, "Okay. I'll do it."
 
End of discussion. No fighting. No ugly attitudes on either part.  Done.

I think now that he has very clear direction, he will do it. I should've thought of this way earlier. You're right, Dr. Laura, men are simple and usually pretty agreeable if we make our needs known without being nasty about it.

Thanks for your Podcasts. They are a highlight of my days.

Cheers,

Sheri, in the bush of South Africa