December 15, 2014
Using a Four-Letter Word to Positively Transform Your Relationships by Daisy Swan www.daisyswan.com Have you had an interaction lately with your child (even if your child is of voting age), your spouse, or co-workers that has left you seething, angry, disappointed, or frustrated and then, on top of that, found yourself ruminating about what just happened? It's probably hard to choose among a few choice four-letter words that come to mind. Honestly, this happens to us all too often. Caught in a spiral of getting triggered by a situation, we then compound the stress we feel as we re-live it over and over in our minds long after it's over. As a mindful awareness meditation instructor and coach, I share this four-letter word all the time: STOP. This is an acronym that helps us gain awareness of ourselves, and the situation, which gives us an opportunity to respond rather than react in the moment. Or if we do lose it, hearing STOP in our mind helps us to regain our composure and come back to the person with perhaps some new ways to repair the relationship. Give this a try right now. Imagine a situation you've been in. Feel it heating up, and then imagine saying to yourself as you feel the emotions rising, 'Stop, Take a breath, Observe (what's happening in you and around you, recognizing the feelings you're feeling and the choices in front of you) and finally 'Proceed.' Know that you don't have to condone the behavior of the other person, you don't have to accept the behavior of the other person, but you can be more self-possessed and conscious as you talk to this person. Using STOP is one of the effective tools I use to bring mindful awareness into everyday life, encouraging a more alive relationship with present moments of life that help to alleviate ongoing stress and strife, and provides me with alternative ways of being in charge in difficult situations and with difficult emotions. Tough interactions do happen, will happen, but with practice we can begin to decrease the stressful way in which we react to and then regard situations. We have more internal resources to repair and resolve difficulties more swiftly, and then move past them. With practice, saying an internal STOP can help you move forward, positively, in your relationships without the mental and emotional baggage that can weigh us down like a wardrobe bag without a hanger. Feeling lighter, freer, in charge, we can also be more confident about how to work with difficulties. Daisy Swan has been a career coach for over 20 years, working with clients all over the world, and is the author of Making Work Work: Secrets from A Career Coach's Office. Daisy also teaches meditation to help busy professionals manage the stress of modern life, and uncover and foster their creativity. For your free consultation, visit www.daisyswan.com. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
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