Hi, Dr. Laura,

My wife began a downward slide after her mom was diagnosed with COPD and was given 24-36 months to live. At that point my wife began trying to fulfill her lifelong dream of "getting Mommy to love me" and even more importantly, that "Mommy love me more than all my other brothers and sister".

My now deceased mother-in-law was a bad person who could complain about anything and ANYBODY. She once told me that despite the fact I "was a great husband to her daughter, a good provider, a wonderful father to her grandson and an active and helpful member of our church, she had BIG problems with me". I asked her, "Well, what else is there?" And she just swore at me and told me to shut up.

My wife always felt she was the problem, not her mother: "Mommy is perfect, obviously the big problem is ME." Nothing I could say could get her to look at the situation from a different point of view. She slowly began to despise me and our 15-year-old son for just existing. We tried to ride out the storm and get her help, but to no avail.  She attempted suicide on Valentine's Day of 2013. It wasn't a cry for help: 60 Percocet, 200 Advil, 60 OxyContin and a bottle of rum. Fortunately while passing out she pocket dialed a friend who alerted me and my son who were out for the afternoon helping a wheelchair-bound friend get some errands done. 911 was called and there was a six hour wait where the doctors didn't know if she would make it or not. Fortunately she did. She was admitted to 'psych' and upon release found a great therapist who has helped her immensely. My wife has worked hard to become the person she used to be and is pretty much there again.

My point of this email is to say the callers who have had moms like this have helped me immensely. I've learned this situation is more common than I thought and I wasn't on an island. Your words of reason and comfort have helped me to see my wife in a different light and to help her see herself as others see her: a kind, funny, compassionate, person who everybody likes to be around. To all others out there, don't give up on your spouse who is going through this. Once they realize the real problem, the breakthrough will be made, in my case it was a Niagara Falls type. Then things get better.....slowly.

Jim