November 22, 2013
Putting Your Spouse's Needs Before the Kids'

Dear Dr. Laura, 

I listened with interest to the caller who asked whether she should put her husband’s needs before those of her children or even her own. She seemed a little surprised that you responded, “Yes,” but newsflash - you were right, of course. 

My wife and I have always found some great parenting advice in the pre-flight instructions given by the flight attendants; i.e., that parents should put on their oxygen masks in case of an emergency before they help their children. This may be counter-intuitive, since a parent’s first instinct is to rescue the child. But in an emergency, as a parent, it’s essential you ensure your own oxygen flow before that of the child, or the result may be a dead parent and a dead child. Putting on one’s own mask first not only ensures you’ll remain conscious to help the kid, it also serves as a powerful example to the child. 

Several years ago, our youngest daughter was behaving very badly over a long period and my wife and I despaired. But in one of the great moments of our marriage - and there have been many - she told me, “Look, if our daughter ends up destroying her life, so be it, but I will NOT let this hurt our relationship. You come first.” I remember being surprised by that statement, because my wife is the ultimate Mother Bear, but she meant it, and looking back it’s clear she always felt that way. We’re in our 40th year of marriage and I couldn’t be happier, because my wife has always put me first and I’ve tried to reciprocate. As a result, we have six very responsible, productive children who, following their mother's example, knows how to treat their own spouses. Thanks for being a great resource to us. 

Mark


Posted by Staff at 11:30 AM