Picky Eater? by Jodie Lynn www.ParentToParent.com I have two words for you: Picky Eater Do you have a picky eater? So do tons of other moms. So what can we do about it? Here are 10 things that work #150; they really work! YIPPEE! If you can come up with more #150; let me know! Healthy snacks count. Encourage healthy snacks throughout the day and try to time them so that they are not served close to meal times. Limit juice and milk. Juice fills up tummies and the kids do not feel hungry. Nevertheless, they end up whining that they are starving anywhere from one to two hours later -- and they really are. This is especially true of toddlers whose tummies are only as big as your hand made into a fist. While milk is good for kids, it can fill them up quicker than expected. Serving caffeine? Don#146;t. It has nothing but empty calories and tons of sugar not to mention the hyper activity it can induce. Give children small portions of table food that the rest of the family is eating during mealtime. If they are not allergic to a food you are serving, encourage them to at least have a small taste. This is known as a "thank you" bite. Don#146;t use desserts as a reward. This can cause a dependency on sweets not to mention weight gain and bad eating expectations. Try to stay calm. Do not scream, holler or yell if your child does not eat what you think he should. Did you know that if you make meal time a stressful event that your child will associate it as a negative endeavor in the life of a family? Have fun with shapes of the food. This will spark new interest. For example, shape sandwiches into sailboats and made the sails out of turkey or chicken. Make up a story. Try wheat crackers with tiny marshmallows and raisins smashed into the crackers on a yellow plate. Pretend to be Big Bird and peck the meal along with your child. Remember, kids live by Monkey See and Monkey Do rules. Serve peanut butter on rice cakes. Rice cakes now come in all types of flavors. Find out which one your kids like the best and let them have a little peanut butter on it. Substitute another nutritious "spread" if he is allergic to peanut butter. Shape the food with cookie cutters. Buy different shapes of cookie cutters to cut designs in cheese or cold cuts. Get creative with the eating utensils. Try measuring spoons or chopsticks. copy; 2005 Jodie Lynn Jodie Lynn is an award-winning internationally syndicated family/healthcolumnist and radio personality. Parent to Parent( http://www.ParentToParent.com ) is now going into its tenth year and appearsin newspapers, magazines, newsletters and throughout the Internet. She is a regular contributor to several sites including eDiets.com, MommiesMagazine.com and is the Residential Mom Expert for BabyUniverse.com. Lynn has written two books and contributed to two others, one of which was on Oprah and has appeared on NBC in a three month parenting segment. Her latest best-selling parenting/family book is Mommy-CEO, revised edition. Preorder Lynn's new book, " Mom CEO: Avoiding the Distressed Housewife Syndrome and Winning at Motherhood ," online or from any bookstore in early 2006. See www.ParentToParent.com for more details. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Have You Heard These Words Yet... I'M BORED! By, Jodie Lynn www.ParentToParent.com Summer is a wonderful time to take advantage of free stuff to do with your kids, especially when you hear those two negative but all too common words: I'm bored! Introduce one new hobby each week. Most everyone develops at least a couple of favorite hobbies early in life. Get creative. Introduce your child to painting, cooking, playing an instrument, dancing or a million other things. While they won't do much with the endeavor, it will expose them to something new each week and strike a chord with something that they might want to continue with during the school year. Visit a nursing home. Whether or not you have a family member in a nursing home, those folks love to meet new people, especially if they are kids between the ages of 5 to 18. Make cookies or bread and take treats on your first trip. They also love to get magazines and could care less if they are old -- they are new to them. Visit animal shelters. Show your kids what it's like to give back to the community animal shelter by allowing them to donate some of their money to one. Sometimes, if you will call ahead of time, they will tell you what kind of food and/or toys that they need. Explain to child beforehand that you are going to the shelter to say hello and have no plans to adopt a pet. This usually works well with kids ages 8 to 13. Backyard Magic. If you are unable to go camping, do it in your own back yard. Put up the old tent and watch the kids become excited. In fact, if it's too hot to sleep outside, pitch it in the living room or family room. It's still something new and exciting. Play music or tell spooky stories. Hint: spooky stories can always end on a happy note. Exercise Fun. Let the kids make up their own exercise routines, choose their own music and lead the program. They will exercise longer if they can create their own style and act silly too. Don't forget your local science center. It may not be free, but many have discount or coupon days. Take advantage by watching the paper for those days and/or coupons. Science Centers can be a child's best friend in exciting learning adventures, especially if they have mini shows. A mini show is usually a series of new topics that the science center schedules for the summer months. Each one may only be available for around two weeks and then a new one is scheduled. These are usually in addition to the main theme and keep families busy and kids happy. Take a nature walk. Sounds too simple, right? There are tons of butterflies, bugs, trees, and other amazing things to see if you really look. Bring along a throw away camera and let the kids take turns shooting whatever it is that they like best. It's an educational "jungle" out there, with all sorts of incredible creatures and plant life worth exploring. Try on cooking. Summer is the best time to cook with your kids. Let them try new recipes or add zing to some old favorites. Don't worry about perfect outcomes or the mess that they are sure to make. Making healthy snacks is usually a good place to begin -- let them choose the ingredients. It's summer! copy;2005 Jodie Lynn Jodie Lynn is an award-winning internationally syndicated family/health columnist and radio personality. Parent to Parent is now going into its tenth year and appears in newspapers, magazines, newsletters and throughout the Internet. She is a regular contributor to many sites including eDiets.com and is the Mom to Mom Expert for BabyCenter.com and has a regular family segment on four radio programs, one of which is syndicated to over 20 stations. She has written two books and contributed to two others, one of which was on Oprah and has appeared on NBC in a three month parenting segment. Her latest best-selling parenting/family book is Mommy CEO, revised edition . Preorder Lynn's new book, "Mom CEO: Avoiding the Distressed Housewife Syndrome and Winning at Motherhood," online or from any bookstore. See www.ParentToParent.com for details. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

Why Do Decent, Intelligent People Have Hidden Values Conflicts? by Leslie Godwin, MFCC www.LeslieGodwin.com When I was young and naive, I figured that there were two types of people: there were people with decent values who cared about others, and then there were greedy, selfish types who didnsup1;t seem to care much about anything beyond their own skin. As you can imagine, that simple but shallow point of view didn't help me understand the world very deeply, so I launched into an ongoing search to understand people and their motivations, which has continued to evolve. I found that good people can hold values that conflict with their other values or priorities. These conflicts are usually hidden, since we rarely closely examine each of our fundamental beliefs. We do, however, feel stressed when these hidden conflicts inevitably clash. Feeling that stress is the best clue that you need to take a look at them. MY HIDDEN VALUES CONFLICT: I used to value being successful in a way that my parents and the outside world could immediately understand and respect. I also used to value being appreciated by people I didnt even respect, as well as those I did respect. (I just really wanted everyone to like me!) Was I a good person? I think so. Was I good at what I did? Yes. Was I developing a deeper sense of who I was? No. In fact, I didn't articulate that as a value at the time, since I was concerned with how other people saw me and with achieving traditional success. Self-awareness became a critical value, and it conflicted with wanting everyone to like me, or with becoming rich and famous. We are each unique in many important ways, so my story does not contain some kind of fundamental Truth that will resonate with every individual. But it did help me create a method for helping good and moral people understand that they probably have hidden values conflicts that may sabotage their best and most sincere efforts to be successful on their own terms. DOES THIS RING TRUE IN ANY WAY FOR YOU? Have you noticed a clash in values that has caused you to feel stressed? Other examples of values conflicts that many of us have struggled with at some point include: being an overinvolved son/daughter vs. a good spouse or parent earning more money vs. having more time for family and ourselves keeping the house spotless vs. taking more time for personal growth keeping others happy no matter how unreasonable their expectations vs. turning down requests from people who wonsup1;t be happy no matter what you do upholding your idea of ethical behavior vs. being a loyal employee/volunteer There are ways to resolve these differences without eliminating one side of the conflict -- in fact, getting rid of one side is the best way not to resolve the conflict if you define "resolve" as coming up with a higher-level understanding and coming to an inner peace with the issue or personal belief. I've found that once I understand where the conflict lies, that I can make a conscious effort to back up my true value. If I value being a mom first, then I will try to stop myself from feeling deprived that we can't go on regular vacations. Or if I value my husband telling me the truth when I ask him for feedback, I can't feel like a victim if he doesn't agree with my latest "bright idea." (I still wish he wouldn't critique my new sweatsuit with the fake fur around the collar. I guess I can't pick and choose where I want the truth from him.) When you re-examine your values, and consciously make choices that back them up, yousup1;ll find you're a lot less stressed because of the hidden values conflicts that can sneak up on you. Leslie Godwin, MFCC, is a Career Life-Transition Coach specializing in helping people put their families, faith, and principles first when making career and life choices. Leslie is the author of, "From Burned Out to Fired Up: A Woman's Guide to Rekindling the Passion and Meaning in Work and Life" published by Health Communications. For more information, go to www.LeslieGodwin.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

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Just Say No! Debbie Williams, copyright 2002 Recently I was gently reminded of the importance to plan and prioritize projects. I say gently, because the reminder was not directed at me but to my friends and colleagues. I watched a neighbor run back and forth between home and "errandland" three times in less than two hours, a colleague add another work project to her already full plate, and found myself thinking "No wonder busy men and women today are so stressed - we're afraid to say NO." What would happen if we said NO and really meant it? Would the sky fall if you did not bake cookies again for your son's class party? Would the internet shut down if you did not add fresh content to your website as scheduled? Would your manager fire you for passing on a new project? Most of the time, the answer to these questions is, ironically, NO. It's very easy for me to pass judgment on these overworked overly-stressed people, isn't it? After all, I'm an expert in efficiency and time management, conquering clutter and changing people's lives. But the part of me who is a worker, mother, wife, woman, neighbor, daughter, and friend shares the same struggle as you each and every day. Here are ways you can reduce the stress and constant overload in your work and home life, one day at a time: Prioritize - Use simple tools to plan your day such as lists and really use them to prioritize your time. Don't just make a running list of things to do today, but group them by A, B, and even C priority. Here's a tip: one of my clients likes to throw in a no-brainer to get herself motivated, such as MAKE A LIST, TURN ON COMPUTER, or PULL CHARTS. It's amazing how good you feel about yourself when you see a bright highlighted task crossed off your list! Delegate - Share the load. Yes, it's easy to do when you are the boss and it's your job to direct and coordinate people and projects. But take that concept home with you, and you can dish out several chores to free up your time. Teenagers and spouses can run an errand or two, your 10-year-old can set the table for dinner, and even the baby (well, he's 3 but you call him your baby anyway) can grab a pint-sized feather duster and help you chase the dust bunnies away. Make it as structured as you wish, but do pull this tool out of your Manager's Toolbox often - it's the best way I know to teach the kids responsibility and give mom and dad back a little free time to boot. Limit Interruptions - Don't have an open door policy, screen your phone calls, and stick to your rules. Manage your cubicle and home the same way, by concentrating on the task at hand and blocking out all the distractions. It's the new millennium, so use those shiny power tools! Let the voicemail or answering machine be your secretary to screen calls, provide outgoing announcements, or to put your mind at ease. Turn off the ringer to your cell phone during movies, dinner, and walks in the park with your husband. (It's ok, really. No one will call the SuperParent police on you for not being accessible 24/7.) Consolidate - By limiting interruptions during the day, you can focus on the immediate project or problem, then tackle the others at YOUR convenience. Voicemail has collected all those calls from clients or patients, and after your report is written, it's time for you to tackle them in a big time block. Run errands on one day of the week, rather than going back and forth to town. Farmers' wives know full well how practical it is to go into town on a routine basis, and even urbanites can learn from this practice. You'll save gas, finish just one more little task, and find some hidden time for yourself. Use time blocks - After using the time savers I mentioned earlier, you should be able to really focus on getting one or two of those A PRIORITY tasks accomplished. Not all of them, but some. And if your lists look like that of most of my clients, crossing just ONE thing off your list would be quite a feat! Most of us learn better with the help of visual aids, so close your eyes and picture this: Picture a slim attractive mother of 3 gulping down a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in one huge bite, and slurping down a BIG GULP in 4 swallows. Not a pretty picture is it? Wouldn't you like to tell that woman: Slow down, you're going to choke! That burger isn't going anywhere, so eat it slowly and savor it! Now picture that same woman slowly eating her cheeseburger one small bite at a time, savoring each morsel and enjoying the flavor of the grilled hamburger and cheddar cheese. She pauses to take a sip of her soda, taking the time to delicately wipe her mouth with a napkin. She chews her food and enjoys it, one bite at a time. Get the picture? No matter what the BIG task is, you can tackle it one bite at a time. Need to clean out the garage, but you're waiting for a weekend of uninterrupted time? It's probably never going to happen! But you CAN clean it an hour each night after you get home from work, and pretty soon it will actually be organized. It's not going to dissolve into the mist like Brigadoon, so taking your time can't really hurt, can it? One of my clients had not filed her personal papers for a year, and had almost given up. She was waiting for uninterrupted time to do this project all at once, but her husband and 2 kids kept her too busy. After learning her "system" and talking to her about the busy lifestyle she led, we came up with a new system, one that she would really use. She used the hour her youngest son napped to sort and do light filing of the huge paper stack, sitting with her older son during his "quiet time" as he watched a video. Mom worked at a slow pace, #1 son got some quality time with her, and #2 son recharged his batteries. Within 2 weeks, the project was completed - what was once an overwhelming task that made her feel overwhelmed had turned into a new filing system, and it didn't take forever to finish. Now she files her paperwork on a weekly basis, and feels such a sense of accomplishment! Most organizing projects can be approached using the "one bite at a time" method. This is not new, or earth-shattering, but it's nice to be reminded of the common sense tips now and again. Delegating, limiting interruptions, and planning are other management tools that have been around for ages. Use them in all aspects of your busy lives. And start saying No Thank You those additional tasks handed to you during the course of the day - your plate's already full. Debbie Williams is an author, speaker and radio host who offers toolsand training to help you put your life in order. Learn more tips like these in her book, Common Sense Organizing (Champion Press Ltd, January 2005). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

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Grace-Full Parenting By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller Have you noticed more than a hint of anger creeping into your parenting style? Do you parent more with your vocal chords than you do with your heart? Are the typical frustrations, annoyances, and irritations associated with parenting beginning to get you down? Are you feeling like you need a two week vacation from your children? If your answer to any of these questions is "yes," you may need the gift of grace-full parenting. Grace-full parenting is parenting that comes from the heart. It holds children in a state of grace, even as they are held accountable for their behaviors. It communicates love and caring while simultaneously implementing necessary discipline strategies. Described below are 12 strategies for infusing grace into your parenting style. Consider using them to become an increasingly grace-full parent. Assume the stance that mistakes are permitted here Do not assign a positive or negative value to your children#146;s mistakes. Instead, simply see those errors as choices that offer opportunities for growth. Do not name a behavior a "mistake" or judge it until you see how the child chooses to use it. If your teenager gets a speeding ticket, is confronted with the consequences, and then uses that experience to slow her driving, was the ticket a good thing or a bad thing? If your child forgets to put his bike away and loses the opportunity to use it for a few days and learns from that experience to see himself as cause, is forgetting to put the bike away good or bad? Refuse to see children#146;s mistakes as bad, wrong, terrible, or awful. See them instead as opportunities for growth, as data and feedback to be used for learning. Children make mistakes. Why not add grace to your parenting style by choosing to see those mistakes as valuable, important cogs in the learning process? Separate the deed from the doer Children are not their behavior. They are not their report card. They are not their table manners. They are not their anger. Those behaviors are only their behavior in the present moment. It is not who and what they are as human beings. "I like you and I don't like that behavior," is Parent Talk that separates the deed from the doer. It tells the child that it is the behavior that is inappropriate. Love remains for the child while the behavior is disliked. Using a communication style that clearly separates the deed from the doer keeps your verbal responses full of grace. Accept that what is...is The fact is that your twins did decorate the kitchen wall with permanent markers. That's what is. No amount of anger, frustration, noise, or irritation will change that. The wall is the wall and it is covered with permanent marker. Yes, work to make changes on a physical level. Teach the necessary lessons to encourage that markers are to be used for writing on paper. Involve your children in cleanup. Implement appropriate consequences if necessary. Dealing with the situation on the physical level is important and necessary---and that part of parenting can be handled more effectively if you emotionally accept your present-moment circumstances. See it all as perfect Another way to become a grace-full parent is to see your present parenting circumstance as perfect. If your child is disrespectful to her grandparent, why not see that situation as the perfect way for your daughter to communicate to you that she needs to learn more about respect for the elderly? It is also the perfect time and the perfect opportunity for you to teach a lesson on respect. When your child leaves his toys out, that is the perfect time for him to learn about what happens when he makes that choice. If your teen turns off the alarm and goes back to sleep, that becomes the perfect opportunity to allow her to experience the natural consequences of being late for school. If the dishes are stacked up in the kitchen, that#146;s the perfect time to delay dinner until the kitchen is in order. Choose to view the present parenting events that show up in your life as opportunities to practice seeing it all as perfect. See your children as unfinished Your children are only beginning to move down the path of becoming who they are meant to be. Yes, there will be imperfection. Yes, there will be derailments. Yes, they will experience delays and misdirection. Don#146;t we all? None of us is complete and finished. God is not done with any of us yet. Keep that in mind as you raise your children and you will move closer to parenting that is full of grace. Make no assumptions. Beware of the assumption trap. As parents we think we know. We think we know why our child lied to us. We think we know what she is thinking. We think we know what she will do next. We assume we know who started the fight in the next room. And our assumptions are not always accurate. If you remind your ten year old about his responsibilities with the garbage, and he turns and walks away, you assume he didn't hear you or that he heard and doesn't care. With your assumption firmly in place, you use a tone and volume in your next communication that escalates the incident. Before you find out your son was on his way to get his shoes so he could take the garbage to the road, the situation sinks to a lower lever. Keep your communication on the high road, and use grace-full parenting by freeing your mind of assumptions. Focus on the situation, not on the child's character or personality When you are frustrated, upset, or irritated with a child#146;s behavior, speak to the situation. If you see the recently purchased baseball glove laying out in the rain, tell your daughter, "I see a brand new baseball glove laying out in the rain. I feel irritated. Baseball gloves belong in the garage with the sports equipment." This style of communication talks about the situation. It refrains from attacking character of belittling personality. "What are you blind? You have no value of money. Get your lazy butt out there and take care of it," addresses character. Comments about eyesight, money values or laziness are about personality and thus, lack grace. By speaking to the situation instead of a child's character you refrain from wounding their spirit and stay firmly grounded in grace-full parenting. Implement consequences with an open heart Remember, implementing consequences, holding your children accountable for their actions is one of the most loving things you can do as a parent. It is not the severity of a consequence that has the impact. Consequences do not need to be severe. They only need to be certain. Let children experience the related, respectful, legitimate consequences of their behavior. But do it from a heart-felt space. Let the consequence come from the love and concern within you rather than from disgust, anger, or feelings of retribution or revenge. Give second opportunities Once a specific consequence has been experienced, give the child another opportunity to handle the responsibility. If your child fails in his responsibility to put his bike away at dark, he loses the opportunity to ride that bike for a few days. Three days later he needs another opportunity to show he can handle that responsibility. If he doesn#146;t choose to take care of his responsibility, implement the consequence again. Later, give another opportunity. Lessons aren#146;t always learned the first time. Grace requires many opportunities to learn the lessons that are before us. Extend those opportunities and you regularly extend grace to your children. Search for solutions To parent grace-fully you must believe that fixing the problem is more important than fixing blame. Searching for solutions and problem-solving puts you in a teaching mode. Handing out punishments places you in the role of policeperson, judge, and warden. Grace occurs when errors are corrected, not when they are punished. Energy spent blaming your son for spilling milk does not improve his milk-pouring skills for next time. Angrily reprimanding your daughter for forgetting to feed the dog does not insure that the dog will be fed tomorrow. Invest your time searching for and creating solutions and problems will not need to be continually addressed. By solving a parenting problem while refraining from punishing, you apply grace to the situation. Look for the gift. As you stay home with your sick child, your mind may send you messages of #147;poor me#148; and #147;this isn#146;t fair.#148; Your mind is taking the victim stance by generating limiting thoughts and concentrating on negativity. Change your mind about your present circumstance by looking for the gift that it offers. It could be an opportunity to clean out a closet, wash the car, or catch up on thank you notes. Perhaps there is a gift waiting for you in a chance to snuggle with your daughter and watch a video. Maybe your gift arrives as a change in routine, a day off work, or time to play your guitar. The gift is there. It#146;s up to you to train your mind to find it. If you do so, you will take another step into grace-full parenting. Stay in the present. Focusing on the present and forgetting about the past is essential to the state of grace. Treat every discipline situation as if it was happening for the first time. Remove phrases like, #147;OK mister, that#146;s the third time this week,#148; #147;This is getting to be a pattern with you, isn#146;t it?#146; and #147;Here we go again,#148; from your Parent Talk repertoire. If your son wet his bed for the fifth time this week, approach the fifth time as if it were the first. This ensures you treat your children as they are right now rather than holding them to what they have been in the past. Grace-full parenting takes practice. It requires a conscious effort to purposefully implement the ideas above. Make these suggestions a priority in your life and add grace to your parenting style. Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of #147;The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose," (available from Personal Power Press at toll free 877-360-1477, amazon.com, and bookstores everywhere). They also publish FREE email newsletters, one for parents and another for couples. Subscribe to one or both at ipp57@aol.com . Visit www.chickmoorman.com and www.thomashaller.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

How Your Divorce Impacts Your Children By Armin Brott Author of Father for Life If you were divorced a while ago, you may only now be seeing the results. Ten years after their parents#146; divorce, young women who are now nineteen to twenty-three are afraid of intimacy with a male, afraid of betrayal, and/or afraid of losing love, says clinical psychologist Clay Tucker-Ladd. Young men the same age have many of the same issues. Ten years after the divorce, 40 percent of them are drifting in school, and don#146;t have any real sense of self-direction. There#146;s a pretty good chance that you#146;re still suffering too. According to Tucker-Ladd#146;s research, 30 to 50 percent of divorced couples are still bitter after the divorce ten years after the fact. Your divorce, whether it happened a while ago or right now, is going to have a big impact on your relationships with your adult children. Later in life, divorced fathers get less care from and are less likely to live with an adult child, according to a study conducted by Barbara Steinberg Schone, Ph.D., of the Agency for Health Care Policy and Research, and Liliana Pezzin, Ph.D., of the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. If you thought that getting remarried would make things better, you#146;d be wrong. Remarried parents get less care from their children#151;and provide less cash assistance to them#151;than parents who are either in intact marriages or haven#146;t remarried, according to Schone and Pezzin. For stepfathers there#146;s an interesting double standard. Although dads#146; ties with their step kids are not typically as strong as they are with their biological children, adult children get along better with stepfathers than with stepmothers, according to Harvard sociologist Constance Ahrons. About half of adult children whose mothers had remarried consider their stepfathers parents and were happy about the new marriage. But only about a third of adult kids whose fathers had remarried liked the idea of having a stepmother and considered her a parent. If you think about this, it actually makes sense. In cases of divorce, more mothers get custody. That means that when Mom remarries, the kids have a chance to establish a good relationship with their new stepfather. Since they don#146;t spend as much time with their biological father, it#146;s natural that the kids wouldn#146;t bond nearly as well with his new wife. A nationally recognized parenting expert, Armin Brott is the author of Father for Life, The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be; The New Father: A Dad#146;s Guide to the First Year, A Dad#146;s Guide to the Toddler Years, Throwaway Dads , and The Single Father: A Dad#146;s Guide to Parenting without a Partner . He has written on parenting and fatherhood for the More >>

11 Secrets to Helping Your Child Handle CliquesAnd Navigate That Vicious Social Jungle By Michele Borba, Ed.D. Excerpted from Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them Jossey-Bass April 2005. ISBN 0-7879-7662-8 Being #147;in#148; is every child#146;s dream, but being excluded is painful. There#146;s nothing worse than sitting alone in the cafeteria or not getting the invitations. Cliques rule. Trying to break in can be as tough as trying to make it into an exclusive country club or sorority. This isn#146;t about trying to make your child Miss or Mr. Popularity #150; this is about helping your child avoid a diet of put-downs and as much as you wish, you can#146;t take away your child#146;s pain from exclusion nor promise her that she will be included in the group#146;s next exclusive gathering. There are a few things you can say and do to help your child learn to navigate the social jungle, bounce back from rejection, and learn to fit in. Here are eleven ideas to try the next time your child suffers from the pain of rejection or complains: #147;Nobody likes me.#148; Be empathic. #147;I know how tough it must be to be shunned like this. Let#146;s figure out what we can do about it.#148; Provide a balance view. #147;Everyone does not hate you. What about your friend, Harold?#148; #147;Nobody has it made at first.#148; #147;A lot of famous people were unpopular in high school like Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, or Christina Aguilar. You#146;ll find your niche.#148; Don#146;t press too hard. #147;This is a tough topic. I#146;m here when you need me.#148; It can be humiliating for your child to confess this kind of rejection. Just being available and supportive may be a good first step. Later she may open up. Don#146;t knock the other kids. Yes they#146;re snubbing your kid, but criticizing them won#146;t help. Your child wants their friendship, so don#146;t say: #147;Those kids are stupid. Why would you want to be friends with them anyway.#148; Do say: #147;We can see those kids have their way of seeing and doing things. We just have to find a way for you to fit in.#148; Talk to teachers. Is it as bad as your kid makes it out to be? Find out the reality of cliques in your school by talking to those adults who are with the kids every day. Start with one ally. One friend can be your child#146;s social entry card. Tell your child to not to aim at first for the whole group but start with just a one to one relationship with someone already there. Help him blend in. Superficial as it may seem to you, having the right look, clothing, and hairstyle can be critical for being accepted by a clique. Take a good look at the crowd your child is trying to join, and then make a few suggestions. Point for a different direction. If your child rebuffed by one group, encourage her to try another that may be more appropriate. Sociological studies have revealed an amazing number of different cliques and groups on a typical high school campus including everything from athletes to geeks and arty-types. Encourage special strengths. Help your child identify what#146;s really special or unique about them like being a good singer, writer, musician, artist, athlete, a dedicated community worker. Use positive labels help her reframe herself. Ultimately this can both increase her self-confidence and make her more attractive to new friends. Help manage frustrations. This kind of rejection can be very traumatic so offer your child healthy outlets and strategies for coping. Suggest she keep a journal, talk to mentor, express herself in her favorite creative way such as music, painting, or drawing. Watch for downslide. If you think your child is really having a hard time, be available. Schedule a few weekends together. Take him to the gym with you. Take her to lunch. Tune into any red flags like poor grades, changing in eating or sleeping, mood swings, anger or withdrawal which could indicate problems he#146;s not discussing with you. If things get really tough, consider seeking professional help. Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renown educator, motivational speaker, who has presented keynotes and workshops to over one million parents and teachers on four continents, and is the recipient of the National Educator Award. Dr. Borba serves on honorary board to Parents magazine and has appeared as a guest expert on Today, The Early Show, The View, Fox Friends, MSNBC, and NPR. She is the award-winning author of 20 books including More >>

Love the One You#146;re With: A Lesson in Organizational Tolerance Copyright 2001, Debbie Williams Whether you are highly organized, a total messie, or somewhere in between, tolerating the organizing habits of those you live with is crucial to everyday living. There is nothing worse than being constantly reminded to pick up your dirty shirts off the bedroom floor by your wife, or to lighten by an oh-so-messy wife. I#146;m sure none of you have ever tried to change the one you love (or at least won#146;t admit to it!), but take it from me#151;it just won#146;t work! Believe me, I#146;ve tried everything in my organizing bag of tricks to change the habits of my packrat husband, and nothing short of separate living quarters will come anywhere close to changing him. But that#146;s not such a bad thing to admit, and in fact when I finally DID stop trying to change his ways, accepting him for who he is, I found myself being much more calm and less stressed. After all, I did choose him, for better or worse, and those packrat tendencies are what make him such a great mechanic and all-around Mr. Fixit. So who am I to try to change his collecting habits? I can recommend a few ways to live with a clutterbug, or avoid nagging from your significant other. His and Hers prep centers, Off-Limits Zones, and Compromised Areas are just the starting points for creating harmony in your home. His Hers- If you have a spare bathroom in your home or apartment, consider setting up work areas separately, and just tidy up the one nearest the guestroom when you do have those infrequent guests. Many a marriage has been spared by using this simple technique, and I highly recommend it. Having an area all your own to spread, stack, or hide from view makes those morning rituals go all the more smoothly. If you don#146;t have the luxury of separate bathrooms , designate a drawer that is just for you and another that is just for him. Respect his need to have everything out in sight, and don#146;t expect him to share your need to tuck it away neatly into drawers. There is room for both organizing styles here. Off Limits#151;If you live with a clutterbug, designate a room or area in your home that is totally off limits for cleaning, decluttering, and rearranging. This could be the attic, garage, basement, or home office. Maybe it#146;s just a corner of your bedroom that has been claimed by your messy spouse , but he does have the right to keep it the way he chooses. This no-man#146;s-land doesn#146;t come without a price, however#151;it not only avoids the spring cleaning brigade, but will gather dust and not garner the same routine respect as the other untidy parts of the house. Try to make your limits known to the self-proclaimed organizer in your home so that there are no misunderstandings. If you don#146;t mind occasional dusting and vacuuming around the piles, then say so. But if you don#146;t want any cleaning within a ten foot radius, then stake your claim now! Compromised Areas- Many of us don#146;t have the luxury of having separate offices or private spaces in our homes, and since this is the real world, we need to relearn how to share. The rule that worked with your brother in third grade of not crossing over the invisible in your bedroom won#146;t go over too well with your wife! After all, it won#146;t really kill her to look at that towering stack of Consumer Reports in the corner of the living room, will it? And you can try not to throw all her toss pillows onto the floor each time you need to crash on the couch. A decent compromise might be for her to move those decorative (but impractical) pillows to her favorite chair or to another room of the house entirely. And maybe she can corral those magazines into a large wicker basket or copper kettle for storage. You#146;ll both be happier knowing that your property and your egos have been spared brutal attacks by the overly organized. I could probably provide you with more tips to help you and create neutral territories in your own home, but I#146;m sure you#146;re already plotting ways to keep peace with the one you love. Feel free to get creative with your storage solutions and don#146;t hesitate to work together to bring harmony into your own love nest. Don#146;t worry#151;if you miss the clutter, you can always into your teenager#146;s room#151;you#146;ll feel right at home again. Debbie Williams is an author, speaker and radio host who offers toolsand training to help you put your life in order. Learn more tips like these in her book, Common Sense Organizing (Champion Press Ltd, January 2005). Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>