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Have you ever had the experience of trying not to think of something?' Like when you're trying to go to sleep and something upsetting keeps coming to mind?' You may attempt to squeeze it out of your mind, but it seems to come back with a vengeance.'What you learn about your mind is that when you try to shove something into a dark closet, your mind feels compelled to peek into that closet again and again to see if it's still there.'Everybody has memories from the past they'd rather not remember.Everybody has annoying, upsetting, or threatening events going on in their everyday lives.Everybody is bothered by thoughts they'd rather not have.Instead of pushing them away, invite them in and deal with them.Some callers have told me that after a year or two of marriage, they think about an old high school flame, and they wonder if this is an "omen" that they've married the wrong person.' No, of course not."Courting" is fun; marriage has obligations, responsibilities and challenges.' Even the things we love can feel overwhelming.' Fantasies and thoughts and dreams about someone else are brain "vacations," taking you to a time when you had no worries.' Invite those thoughts in and examine them:' "Let's see...if I married John instead of my husband Steve, hmmm...gee, I'd miss Steve's smile and hugs, his manly chest, his tenderness with the kids, and eventually John would have probably ticked me off too in some silly ways."Once you've done that, it is no longer an obsession.' The vacation is over, and a greater appreciation of what you do have takes its place.Don't fight the thoughts.' Invite them in and talk to them.' Take control, and they will leave on their own. More >>

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Tiger Woods is getting back to playing golf.' He'll be participating in the Masters 2010 in Augusta, Georgia beginning April 5.' I know a lot of people are happy about that, because they like to watch him play, and without him, the interest in golf apparently diminished, with enterprises associated with audience interest taking a great financial hit since he's been away from the game.Frankly, I don't care one way or the other.Nonetheless, NYDailyNews.com had a lengthy article focusing on Tiger's "confessions."' Evidently, he said he "was living a lie."' Well, that's true.' He was making lotsa money presenting himself as a clean-cut family guy, all the while arrogantly flying girls around the world to meet him for "sex breaks."He also said "Yeah, I tried to stop, and couldn't stop."' WHAT???' Where does the word "couldn't" come from? The only irresistible impulse is one which is not resisted. He enjoyed that very enticing perk of fame and money:' the adoration of women and lot of varied sex.' There's nothing new here in the history of mankind.Once you cross that line, however, it gets easier and easier to feel as though you are safe and entitled, and it becomes a bigger and bigger part of your everyday life - whether your obsession is sex partners or donuts.I'm disgusted that Tiger Woods is being yet another bad role model ("the devil made me do it, and I had to exorcise the devil in rehab").' To me, he is still lying.' He could control his impulse any time he wanted to, but he didn't want to.' The risk-taking was exciting, and the orgasms and feeling of sexual control over women was way too thrilling for him to decide to give up.' He's giving it up now because it ended up costing him big-time.' See?' The decision was made when the math came out different from before.In my book, Tiger Woods won't change until he takes responsibility.' In his comments, he also said that "stripping away denial and rationalization, you start coming to the truth of who you really are, and that can be very ugly." True enough.' And he should say the truth:' that he enjoyed the perks, but that the trade-off ultimately wasn't worth it. More >>

I basically don't care about the musical chairs relationships of Hollywood types, but I thought the following story was indicative of our culture in general...and that is not a good thing.'This headline was important enough to show up in the Top 20 stories of Google News recently:' "Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz Get Cozy in Miami."' The piece started out:' "Don't tell Madonna, but New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez was spotted getting cozy with Hollywood actress Cameron Diaz at a pre-Super Bowl party in Miami last weekend."' According to this inane report, she was tipsy, flirty, and began "grinding on 'A-Rod', who had just broken up with Kate Hudson.' Clearly, sports is not the only thing for which you need a score card!'Generally, women who have nothing going on in their lives become groupies, because attachment to a star (even in their imaginations, much less their beds) brings them a feeling of importance.' Madonna, Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz are all successful in their own right, so "groupie-ness" is not the issue.' Then what is?' What makes women "give it up" so easily for a guy who is good-looking, successful and has lots of money?' I guess it's the looks and success, and the feeling that even more money is always good.'There is so little dignity left in Hollywood's elite, and many political marriages are also aflame with betrayals.' Our young girls grow up next to young boys who have both misguided values and expectations.' The boys realize that respect and courtship are irrelevant when it comes to getting sex and companionship; the girls think that explosive beginnings mean something deeper.'I had one female caller who was just amazed at my admonition not to have sex as a flirtation, rite of dating, way to get to know someone, or stress releaser.' She actually was surprised when I suggested to her (and her 21 year-old "reality") that scarcity brings value.' While that is an economic issue, it also works for interpersonal relationships.' If the act of sexual intercourse is to mean anything , it has to have a context of love and commitment, and that is a scarce resource.'People wonder why they're depressed, anxious, unhappy, unfulfilled, lost, or compulsive about hookups.' There is an inherent knowledge that meaning and purpose are everything to their psychological well-being, but they are surrounded by the likes of an A-Rod and Madonna world which tells them there isn't any, except for notoriety and sexual flamboyance.'It's sad, really, because there is more to morality than just being a "rule system of the constipated," which, unfortunately, is what too many people believe.' Morality is a means by which we make human beings rise above the rest of the animal kingdom with symbols and actions:' like marriage and commitment, for example. More >>

I've said it many times before:' I admire GRIT.' Smarts and abilities are not enough.' They need to be riveted to grit.'''''''''Grit got Seth Wescott a gold medal in the finals of the men's snowboard cross at the Vancouver Olympics, where many others would have slid into oblivion.''''''''He started out badly.' In his qualifier, he slipped and spun 360 degrees and ultimately ended up ranked 17th out of 32 athletes to start the heats - which meant that he wouldn't get a good lane choice.'''''''''Instead of moaning and complaining, or losing his motivation, he told himself:' "OK, I'm going to have to work damned hard for this."''''''''At the starting gate in the finals, he said something to himself like "You've got to go get this one."''''''''He was last from the start, BUT he managed to come home to Maine, as an Olympic gold medalist for the second time.''''''''He didn't think of anything but the moment and the moves - no looking back with dismay, no beating himself up, and no giving up.' THAT is my definition of an Olympic athlete!And, obviously, I'm writing this story because this is the way you should approach everything in life! More >>

Cruising through the news sites, I recently came across a list of the Top 25 Most Romantic Movies.' I was amazed at a number of the choices:' adult male dancer in cheap resort "doing" a teenage girl (like they have a future together!); a woman having sex with her fianc''s younger brother; people who meet while on a European excursion and immediately become intimate, and on and on.'When I was younger, I used to just "watch" movies and get caught up in the mushy emotions.' As an adult (and definitely as "Dr. Laura"), I watch movies on a much deeper level, and I'm not happy with the notion that as long as two people are swept up in fantasy and immediacy, it's just b e a u t i f u l .'Maybe it's because I spend hours each day on my radio program helping people extricate their hearts, minds, and collateral damage from their decisions to just go with the flow of erotic and romantic feelings.' I'm left trying to help them remedy the hurts done to others as well as themselves and the "accidental" children who do not typically benefit from "conception-on-the-run."'The film The African Queen was, for me, one of the most romantic movies of all time.' Humphrey Bogart gives up being a surly, drunk, self-designated outcast for Katharine Hepburn, who gives up being an up-tight, prissy, self-avowed spinster, for a cause , using his little beat-up boat to sink a German war boat.' Having that joint goal (well, she had to work hard to get him out of his shell to be brave enough to re-join the world), and having to deal with deadly elements on a six-foot power skiff together, they built something really romantic.'Those of you who are married and struggling with illness or the economic "elements" should watch that movie together...twice!' I believe it will make you snuggle.' What brings people really close together is not just itinerant sex.' It is a joint goal, the attainment of which requires you both to become MORE.' Sometimes that goal is survival, and at other times, it may be the birth of a child, or a commitment to some effort in the world.' Great sex is the prize...it is not the substance of true love. More >>

A few months ago, I saw the movie "The Bucket List." It's about these two older guys who, presumably, are terminally ill, and one of them mentions a "kick the bucket list," meaning that you make a list of all the things you want to do before you die (and then, hopefully, go do them).' The movie is interesting and well done, and well worth seeing.' It stars Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson.Since then, I've had some thoughts on and off about the concept, and decided that I don't want to have a bucket list when my time comes close.' I want to do and see and say and experience the things that matter to me waaaaay before they become an almost-Last Supper moment.' So I've been going over in my mind what it is that I would put on that list.' And I'm happy to say......nothing.I wanted an adventure on the high seas, so with a crew of experienced sailors, I'm going to be doing just that in mid-March, when we race from Los Angeles to Cabo San Lucas in Mexico.' It will take about four days or so, and we have to work, sleep, and eat in shifts 24 hours per day of sailing.' It will be grueling, cold, and sometimes scary at night if the winds are up.' The food will be "ucky," and there won't be hot showers or heated blankets.' And yet, I can't wait, because it's an ADVENTURE!' It pushes my limits and challenges me in new ways.' It's good to have adventures, as long as you don't ignore your responsibilities, and enjoy the challenges that are there.Day-to-day experiences and routines can get monotonous - that's just life.' So don't wait.' Come up with your own adventure (camping with the family, training for some physical event or whatever you want) and just do it!! More >>

If you're a frequent listener to my radio program, you've probably heard me say to someone seemingly immersed in a petty annoyance:' "You must have a charmed and uncomplicated life to have the time and energy to be upset about something that's ultimately so minuscule."'Yeah, I know that sounds snarky, but the point is made.' If your life is filled with the awe of the sky when the sun first comes up, scurrying to do some projects for charity, coming up with ideas to support a friend in emotional need, treating your spouse as though you adored every breath they take, having daily physical activity that makes you sweat and feel great afterwards, taking on a new challenge in a hobby or education at the local community college or adult extension, having a day a week you get together with buddies to play poker, make a quilt or whatever....when your life is filled in such expansive ways, then the quirky disappointments of family and friends will be shrugged off with a small smile and a lack of real concern.'Try activity instead of pouting or letting your anger simmer. More >>

I am so proud of the CBS Television Network.' There's been a ridiculous furor over a planned Super Bowl ad featuring college football star Tim Tebow, funded by Focus on the Family.' It recounts the story of Pam Tebow's pregnancy in 1987.' After getting sick, she ignored doctors' recommendations to abort her fifth child, and gave birth to Tim Tebow, who went on to win the 2007 Heisman Trophy and guide the Florida Gators to two BCS championships.'This should be an inspirational story for women.' Not according to NOW (the National Organization of "I don't know what kind of" Women), NARAL, and other organizations which support women killing the babies in their bodies if they wanna.' These "feminista" types generally call themselves "pro-choice."' Well, it looks like they're not too happy about the promotion of women who don't make the choice to kill their baby.'When a woman's inspirational story of making the choice to avoid an abortion to take the risk of giving birth to her child becomes controversial in a culture, that culture has degraded to a horrible point.' It is frightening to me that NOT killing the baby in your body is controversial, but killing the baby in your body is not controversial.'Here's my idea:' let's make an ad for the "pro-killing baby" feminista types.' Show a brief clip of the baby being macerated and then shift focus to a happy woman who's celebrating that death and her resulting freedom.'Then let's make an ad for a woman who doesn't want her baby who goes to term and gives the baby to a stable family - a married mom and dad -- for adoption, and shift focus to a happy woman who's celebrating that life and her freedom.'Then, let's vote. More >>