05/13/2010
I cannot even estimate how many recent callers fall into two discrete, and unfortunate, categories:' the first are largely women calling to find out how they can better deal with the bitter resentment they have toward their husbands, because of economic stress; the second are largely men calling to find out how they can better deal with the feelings of failure as a man because of economic stress.To the women, I say "Unless he actively burned money in the basement, gambled it away, or spent way, way, way over budget, your fears are turning into rage toward the one person you should turn
to
, and not
on
."' When they (generally) limply come back with "Yes, he spent more than we had," and
I
come back with "And, didn't you?" then the meeting is called to order.To the men, I say, "I am heartened that you see your responsibilities so clearly, but you are letting your shock get in the way of your problem-solving skills.' You see a hungry tiger in your living room, salivating over your kids.' Shock sets in, and you can be depressed that you don't have a stun gun or you can't figure out another way around that tiger to save your family.' We indulge in the shock and sadness of it all, but now it's time to see the challenge."I have teenagers with small incomes from part-time jobs call, wondering if they have to "share" with their parents who are up against it.' Can you imagine that?' Instead of being rather excited about the ability to contribute to the family at a time of crisis, many of our teens are only looking out for "Number One."All cities are having charity drives not only for the holiday season, but for victims of fires and personnel layoffs due to incompetency in government and private industry.' Most of the time, this issue is food, but sometimes children's lists include iPods and laptops!' Can you believe that?' What have we taught our children about humble survival and retrenching when they are still focused on high-priced electronics?
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Tags: Budget, Finances, Marriage, Morals, Ethics, Values, Social Issues
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05/13/2010
Awwww...give me a break.' I'm actually supposed to feel sorry for this Oregon woman who is out $400,000 because of...well, GREED!' I feel as sorry for her as I feel for the folks who took out home loans they couldn't pay back or the CEOs of bankrupt companies who get to lose their jobs with tens of millions in severance pay.This woman mortgaged her house, took a lien out on the family car and ran through her husband's retirement account.' How and why?' Well, here it comes: she received an e-mail promising her $20.5 million if she would only help out a long-lost relative with a little money up front.' Her family and bank officials told her it was a scam and begged her to stop, but she was obsessed with the thought of becoming a multi-millionaire.This whole affair was a scheme called the "Nigerian scam" and it's familiar to many people with e-mail accounts.' Over the last several years, one of these has come to my email address.' They promise you zillions of dollars for just thousands of dollars necessary to jump-start some transfer of money or some business.I remember long ago seeing a
Donohue
TV program with six women all complaining that some guy scammed them by "wining and dining" them...on their own money!' The guys would say they were coming into lots of money, but they needed a place to live and money to spend until their golden ship came in....oh please....this was a study in denial: "I'm getting attention so I'll deep-six my brain."Back to this woman in Oregon.'' She's gotten herself and her husband into horrific debt and who knows if, how, or when they'll be able to get out of it.As a psychotherapist, I'm frankly happy with some aspects of America's economic crisis.' While stores are worried that people don't impulse buy any more, or that the purchase of frivolous, unnecessary, redundant or "show-off" things is dropping, I'm glad that so many adults, and hopefully their children, are learning an important lesson in the difference between want and need, and the potential devastation of leveraging yourself with debt for possessions that ultimately don't matter much.'During the recent California fires, people didn't run out of their homes with their cars, iPods or fancy clothes.' They left with photos of the family as their number one concern.'I don't feel sorry for that Oregonian - I feel sorry for the family she devastated financially with her greed.
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Tags: Abortion, Budget, Finances, Money, Morals, Ethics, Values, Values
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05/13/2010
I know I have made myself quite a controversial subject by my insistence that children be loved, cared for and raised by their mommies and daddies instead of hired help and institutionalized child care. As I have said many times, children evolve each and every day...and those minutes need to be influenced by and experienced with the people who matter the most. This is why I am thrilled about the one-sided effect of the current economic problems in America.According to a recent report in
USA Today
, parents nationwide are telling day care providers that
"they must scale back or abandon their services. Instead, they keep kids at home with grandparents or up-end their work-life balance because gas and food prices have become prohibitive and average child care costs outpace rent and mortgage payments - even for those drawing salaries."
Of course, the day care industry is scurrying around trying to come up with a plan to save itself. Many are offering all kinds of hours and financial deals. The
USA Today
article, after noting that the 2005 U.S. Census Bureau data (the most recent available) indicated that 2.65 million preschoolers attended day care, and that current statistics of un-enrollment were not available, called the situation "distressing."Sure it's distressing for an industry that has been so effective in its marketing, that parents who actually raise their own children are made to feel guilty for doing so. But it is
not
distressing for the children, who will now be in the arms of people who love them and are there to teach, nurture, support, and experience life with them.Sure it's distressing for parents who have to reconsider and reconfigure their lives to accommodate raising their children. But, they will find surprising rewards in the true experience of family.The hysteria from the child care industry has included dire warnings that parents will leave their kids home alone, in cars, or with strangers who might hurt them. That sort of child neglect and endangerment goes on in spite of filled-up day care establishments and should be dealt with through social services (to help families make better adjustments in their priorities) or through the legal system (where children are removed to live with safer relatives or foster care).If it is true that every cloud has a silver lining, then the "shine" is there for many children of parents who can no longer pay the $3,000 to over $10,000 a year for day care, because mommy or daddy is coming home to
you
.
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Tags: Economy, Finances, Parenting, Values
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05/13/2010
When marriages get difficult, people "bail out" by divorcing, and flippantly propose that the kids will be fine.' When school children are failing classes, the tendency in American education is to drop standards on performance examinations, drop the tests altogether, or punish the hard-working children by eliminating valedictorian status.' When folks decide that their business or financial situation isn't paying off, they declare bankruptcy and ultimately give the bird to those who trusted them enough to do business with them.' When the auto industry makes cars that aren't popular, Congress votes to bail them out financially.' When mortgage companies and banks loan trillions of dollars to people who can't possibly pay their monthly bills, we have a world-wide financial crisis requiring the average, hard-working citizen to give up his or her compensation to save the day.' When people do stupid things, like put hot coffee between their legs while driving a car, a company has to pay out from its profits to compensate for a customer's irresponsibility.This is not really about finances.' As many have pointed out, during the Great Depression, unemployment was higher than 20%, and people found themselves unable to pay their bills through no fault of their own.' This is 2008, and unemployment is about 5%, and people find themselves unable to pay their bills totally by their own fault!' Why?' Because they want to live a lifestyle they have not yet earned.This is about character and honor as well as the philosophy of earning your blessings.' I have told many a parent
not
to buy a home for their newlywed children, because they would be robbing them of something to work towards
together
, in addition to the thrill of the accomplishment.Dozens of CEOs are walking away from disasters they helped create with hundreds of millions of dollars of "reward."' Millions of Americans are walking away from the disasters they greedily and irresponsibly signed up for by putting their names to a promise they could not keep.This is not the American spirit of old, and it's certainly
not
the way to bring up our young people.' I hope they have learned from this.'' Instead, I worry they're just blaming the Wall Street fat cats or the Federal government.' To quote Shakespeare:
"the fault lies not in our stars...but in ourselves."
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Tags: abuse, Budget, Finances, Personal Responsibility
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05/13/2010
The world's finances are being shaken to their core because of - well - cheating and greed.' Nonetheless, people are being laid off, large companies are going out of business, small businesses can hardly pay for even minor fees to keep themselves afloat, and the price of gas keeps yo-yoing.' The good news is that you can buy a car for under sticker price...as long as you don't need a loan; you can also buy a house for a pittance...as long as you don't need a loan.A number of financial advisors have reported that their biggest problem is not the most obvious one, which is explaining what folks should and shouldn't do with their cash, savings, and investments.' As it turns out, their biggest problem is how husbands and wives are turning on each other with blame and rage or turning away from each other with blame and fear.Feelings of concern, anxiety, sadness, confusion and fear are, frankly, reasonable emotions when tornados, hurricanes, and earthquakes hit your community...it is reasonable to slap your own - and maybe each other's - foreheads, regretful that you both didn't plan better.' But ultimately, it happened to each of you and all of your neighbors and you have to respond in a constructive way despite your personal pain.Feelings of concern, anxiety, sadness, confusion and fear are, frankly, reasonable responses when the financial bottom falls out from under you.' It's not unusual to want to look for the cause of the disaster whether it is a bank CEO, the President, the Treasurer, modest-income people who borrowed to live beyond their means....or....your spouse."Kicking the dog" because you are upset with your day is animal cruelty.' Kicking your husband or wife when you are both in the same lifeboat is also cruel, and it is destructive to the marriage and the family.Perhaps it is true that one or both of you made some financially unwise moves with investments or by spending too much and living beyond your means with credit cards and loans.' I think that in these situations it is always best for the person in charge of the "errors" to simply own up to screwing up, apologize, and then offer to help make things right.' Once your spouse has thrown himself or herself on your mercy, do not ever make them feel stupid or bad in an attempt to regain a sense of superiority or control.'When things go wrong, turn TO each other with compassion, solace, and a pledge to be a team and work it through together, survive it together, brainstorm together, and work together.' No matter how sad you feel, this is the time for lots of attention and great sex.' Endorphins and orgasms go a long way to keeping you both cheerful about life and life with each other.The financial situation in America and the world, as well as the Dow, will come back up.' Make sure your marriage weathers the storm so that you can both be there to enjoy it.
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Tags: Budget, Family, Family/Relationships - Family, Finances, Marriage, Money, Relationships, Relatives, Sex, Sexuality
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05/13/2010
Barack Obama and Joseph Biden are both fishing for the women's vote - especially disenchanted Hillary Clinton feminists.' Biden has insisted that Republicans, including Sarah Palin, represent a step backwards for women.'But when you look at the labor market data from the Census Bureau (as Professor Casey Mulligan of the University of Chicago has in a new study), to figure out "
the amount and reasons for women's progress in the labor market since the 1960s"
something very interesting is revealed.
(Wall Street Journal 9/12/08).
In 1988, the last full year of Republican Ronald Reagan's administration, wage growth for women working full-time throughout the year
improved
by 8.3% from the end of the Democratic administration of Jimmy Carter.
"Johnson, Carter, and Clinton were all Democrats, yet none of them witnessed much labor-market progress for women during their administrations:' eight years of Reagan, four years of George H.W. Bush, and six years of George W. Bush."
The Nixon-Ford administrations were the only Republican administrations that didn't make it to this list of forward momentum for women.'In the
Quarterly Journal of Economics
, August, 2008, Professor Mulligan and Yona Rubenstein (from Brown University) calculated the statistics that showed women's annual wage growth relative to men's:'Under Republican administrations, women's annual wage growth relative to men was .0.87% under George W. Bush, 1.4% under George H.W. Bush, and 1.6% under Ronald Reagon.' Under Democratic administrations, women fared less well.' Their annual wage growth relative to men was 0.21% under Bill Clinton, 0.04% under Jimmy Carter, and
minus
1% under Lyndon Johnson.'I
like
that color lipstick, especially if the kids are grown or Daddy is home with the kidlets.
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Tags: Budget, Feminism, Finances, Politics, Social Issues
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05/13/2010
"It has fewer pages than three years ago, the paper stock is thinner, and the stories are shorter.' The newsroom staff producing the paper is also smaller....Financial pressures sap its strength and threaten its very survival."
Nope, that isn't a statement about your local newspaper.' It's a statement about the
American
daily newspaper of 2008, as reported by the Pew Research Center.
"This description is a composite.' It is based on face-to-face interviews conducted at newspapers across the country, and the results of a detailed survey of senior newsroom executives.' In total, more than 250 newspapers participated."
In total, more than one in every five of the nation's 1,217 daily newspapers participated, making it one of the broadest surveys of its kind in recent years.The majority of newspapers are now suffering cutbacks in staffing, and even more in the amount of news they offer the public.' The forces buffeting the industry continue to impact larger metro newspapers to a far greater extent than smaller ones.Perhaps you've heard the recent announcements of a further round of huge newsroom staff reductions at large papers, including the
Los Angeles Times, The Chicago Tribune
, and
The Washington Post
, all known to be quite liberal in their perspectives. Let's also not forget
The New York Times
, that bastion of bias, with a second quarter drop of 82% in revenue, with print advertising continuing to shrink.The Pew Report was meant to document how newspapers are faring in the race between today's financial pressures and the innovative attempts to insure the industry's future.' Many papers are expanding their web presence and getting into web TV to mobilize the rapid growth of web readership.One major area of concern, however, which has already cropped up in television news, is the pressure to have a constant flow of new material on the web, which means
"a loss of time to organize a thoughtful attack on a story, to think through precisely why a story is being done, or how to make that story more meaningful."
Newspapers have long had that luxury and that responsibility.' Television and radio news, with their competitive immediacy, have veered toward the unexamined and notorious for the sake of ratings.'We should be worried.
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Tags: Budget, Finances, Internet-Media, Internet/Media
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05/13/2010
The feministas came out of their skins when I published my best seller,
"The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands."
Their main point of rage was their notion that taking care of one's man emotionally and physically was demeaning.One reader, Vicky, wrote this week:
"Last December, we invited potential friends to our Christmas party.' During the evening, I gave my husband a fresh drink when I saw that his was getting low.' At one point, the man we invited noticed and commented that he'd go thirsty if he waited for his wife to bring him a drink.' The wife, in turn, bluntly let me know that's because she wasn't a doormat.' I responded that I never thought I was a doormat just because I enjoyed taking care of my man, and the conversation moved on.' But, I have to admit, that comment ate at me for a long time.' Was I being na've?' Was my husband taking advantage of me?
Over the months since, every time I hear my husband tell a friend that I take better care of him than he deserves, I let that comment "go" a little bit more.' I've now let it go completely. You see, we ran into that couple this past weekend.' We'd heard rumors that they were divorcing (because the husband had had an affair).' The wife confirmed the rumors, but stated that they were trying to work it out. I'm doubtful they will work anything out.' She's the ultimate "feminazi," and he will have to do all the changing and groveling for it to "work out."
Bottom line:' She's on her way to divorce, and I'm celebrating my 7 year wedding anniversary today with a man who worships me and I absolutely adore after all these years.' Doormat?' I think not!
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Tags: Budget, Finances, Marriage
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05/13/2010
While each vehicle performs differently, a rule of thumb for maximizing fuel economy is to keep highway speed to 60 miles per hour or less.' According to the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), exceeding 60 miles per hour severely hurts the fuel economy of most vehicles.' The agency says:
"each 5 miles per hour you drive over 60 miles per hour is like paying an additional $0.20 per gallon of gas."
Several tips on saving fuel appear at
fueleconomy.gov
.
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Tags: Budget, Finances, Politics
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05/13/2010
Fuel costs, almost tripling since 2000, now account for as much as 40 per cent of operating expenses at some carriers, according to the Air Transport Association (ATA).' The ATA notes that airlines are cutting costs and raising revenue in ways that
"were once unthinkable."
For example, US Airways has eliminated snacks, Delta Air Lines is charging $25 for telephone reservations, and just this week, American Airlines became the first US company to charge $15 for the first checked bag.' In addition, Singapore Airlines is going to eliminate unnecessary quantities of
water
in order to save weight.Since December, 2007, eight companies have stopped flying, largely because of fuel costs, and airlines may report combined losses of $6.1 billion this year, according to Bloomberg.com.' To save money, airlines are grounding a portion of their fleet, using lighter-weight crockery in First and Business Class, flying slower, and washing planes more frequently (to cut down on wind-resistant dirt).' Weighing passengers might be the next move - after all, Southwest Airlines asks passengers to buy a second seat if their girth prevents the armrest from being able to be lowered.We've already all noticed that airplane interiors are largely dirty, as they aren't cleaned between flights - only trash is collected and tossed.' I bring antibacterial wipes and clean off every surface where I sit, including the handrests and controls for video and audio.' It's just a suggestion, but you might want to consider doing the same when you fly.
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Tags: Budget, Finances, Social Issues
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